My Old Self

What I'm doing here is actually writing my life. And it's good because this way I do not forget.
And still I forget. What was I before I met the guy, what was I a week ago? I actually can not remember that because now there is another person who makes my life so much broader in every (im)possible way.
But I am still my old self, there are the same fears, dreams, interests.
I had severe problems of loneliness and now I'm so used to being with another human being that it hurts when he is not around. I guess I'm doing something wrong with my mind again. Oh, or is it my body? Well, he is not even a girl... Huh. I am turning into irrational monster. I thought it would have been good for me, but now I doubt it. I can't set myself still, I can't calm down and I'm on fire in the very simplest way there is.
I'm feeling filthily human. And kind of disgusted of myself.
I guess that's because of new things I'm starting to feel and discover. I am unsure whether I like it or not. But it surely keeps me from normal old way of functioning. It keeps me from thinking the way I thought before. It also keeps distracting me from my work and studies. And I still need to form my mind the way it will analyze my present state and reestablish its grounds and restructure its systems so I can live less chaotic.
And yes, I went to the MTG competition yesterday and saw amazing decks and games and it was an awesome day but here I am now - hectic and restless.