My Nothing Special

I'm sitting in my car, the best place to think, getting tired of listening to my R.E.M. disc for the second time. So switching to the radio again.
I am lost in between many things that people are showing me. I am getting interested in MTG, learning stuff about starcraft that I did not know, I started reading a comic my friend told me about. Well, it's like I have nothing that belongs to me. I do not feel myself as something unique and independent any more. I thought that way some time ago. Was I even right to think that?
I'm influenced by everything: my feelings, events around me, I used to empathize and worry about too many things.
Where is my a-kanji-a-day? Does this short story count as a book-a-week?
I know that's what happens when you begin a relationship with a human being, but it still is frustrating. (Maybe I am blaming the relationships now not to be frustrated by myself).
What do I have? I am nothing special if you exclude my craziness and inadequacy.
When he is not around I fell the same I felt before, I know that. I am afraid of people, nervous around new ones, running away from challenges etc.
It's just a sad, sad evening, I guess. But I won't cry. No.

P.S. Mah, I'm crying.