My Duty

I do have problems with talking to people. And it's quite critical. But it's not that I'm dumb or I do not want to talk. I actually want to say all kind of things. I want to let people know what I think, what I feel and the fact that I care for them and that I'm sincerely interested in them. I know I can't talk for a long time, but I should at least make people around me feel good, not awkward and making guesses while I'm keeping silence.
I think of my online pets much less than I used to.
I guess my hysteria was so meaningless and embarrassing that I think very low of myself. And I'm still pending forgiveness. Well, I deserve it, do I? Do I?..
I have realized (with the help of others) that any thought you have will influence the relationship. Doubts will ruin it, silence will make it end, thoughts about past will just eliminate any possibility of it.
Here is what I was trying to write about in this post. Before I thought that if I ever had a bf/gf I would have fallen in love with him/her and would have done anything to make him/her happy. It turned out to be slightly not the way I thought it would be. But I have to remember what was stated by me for it was good and seemed right. To have a duty before your beloved is a must. It's not that it's just a duty, it is something real. It is something I can do and want to do. So, screw you, irrational prejudices. I'm in love and nothing else matters.