My Special Needs

I've been listening to Placebo a lot lately.
Now - the race to tell everything before I forget...
I'm getting too attached but it is scary only when he is not around.
I've caught a cold somewhere *sneezes twice* and he has a sore throat. I won't see him at least 3 days. He wants to cut his hair.
I bought my first mtg booster today. My friend was right when (more than a month ago) he said that he would look at them when he was sad and he would get better. Works for me too.
I want to stop eating and I want to cry.
I want to tell him how I don't want to let him go - over and over again.
I'm getting used to him touching me now. Everything is fine.
But...
What's keeping me from flying? It feels just as if in the past I was a flyer and now I've lost my wings. And I can hear my heart whispering to me, but I can't catch the words.
Today in class I've said that I want to live long and change the world. And prof. Goloborodko told me she'll be waiting for me to call for her. But I don't have a plan how to change the world yet. I don't see me becoming a lawyer for that anyway. But becoming a writer - yes.
This month resulted in me being more open to people. I can't be alone anymore and I long for chatting and being around guys and girls. But I can feel that they are kind of different from me as if they do not belong to my world and neither do I belong to theirs.
That's what is bothering me. How do I change the world full of people whom I will never understand and whom I do not see from the inside because they are rusted from the outside, acting strange and superficial.