My Doubtful Relationship

Right now I should be preparing for my English class but here I am - typing the next post in this blog. And why am I doing this instead of that?
Because I'm full of doubts. It feels like I'm still making a huge mistake, like I'm not ready to be with someone etc, etc. I do not get strength and courage from a relationship, I get doubt and fear. Will this totally negative experience change and everything will become much better? Oh, doubt again.
Do I even like the guy or is it just a need for a person? I don't know, I saw Her in my dreams again. This girl, whom I got just a glimpse through the window, it made me look for her for the rest of my dream. And how I wanted to see more of her. Why now? Who knows?
If I knew what I wanted from my life, would I be here? Would I have begun this relationship?
I had a deja-vu the day before yesterday and I remembered that at the time I had to be with another person. It's surely just my mind playing tricks but it does it for some reason, doesn't it?
I am afraid that it all was just because of a pure accident and my will to push myself into a relationship. Damn me, how I hate this part of my personality - rush and light-headedness (OK, there is no such word in the dictionary but whatever).
After not writing him for 4 days I realized that I was so tired of waiting I didn't even want to see him. But because he does not touch me much it is a way easier for me to doubt the relationship.
Still, it is fun to know another person, who is different in everything. Though, I doubt he will ever become my soulmate and I - his.
Ah, such a crappy post about this intimate experience. But this is an honest blog of a girlish student, I can't do anything about the established statements.