My Little Things

I have been thinking (as always)...
I do not feel that I am lonely in the outside world - it does not really bother me now that I have few friends and people to talk to - but I feel lonely inside. In my world there is nobody to whom I can say that I'll be there for them, there's nobody in my heart. And there is a subtle knife-thing going through my soul (literally speaking) tearing it apart with its intense darkness of hatred, jealousy, doubt and fear. It is a little bit painful to walk with that blade in my chest. I am used to it, though. But when I close my eyes I see light, not darkness. The beautiful light, which warms me from the inside. Well, that's just what I felt recently.
I have found out that I have a constant Geek-Drive in me (I've also come up with that 'awesome' name). Not only I am watching Doctor Who now, but I've watched a lot of videos about making of TW etc. I am such a fan.
Anyway, John Barrowman does inspire me, so whatever. He is so in love with the life (reminds me of certain someone) and he is conscious that he is living his life according to his dream, which is fantastic. And I love his voice (te-hee! *fan*).
Today I've crept around the house asking myself 'What am I doing?', sniffing, coughing (for I am a very lucky person to fall ill at the beginning of every month). And really - what am I doing now? Sitting beside the monitor, watching all kind of entertaining stuff. Ah~ By the way, it seems that I've dropped a habit of watching anime. The good part of it (it is good on the whole, I guess?) is that the interest for Japanese is still within me, and I am thinking that it would be a right way to go - to learn the language.
And I've been thinking about me beloved girls recently. Oh, I do not regret anything, but it gives me a funny feeling in the chest to know the things I thought.
And I did not talk to my bro for a week - that's crazy, I should do that now. I am kind of afraid that the time will come when he is not around to help me with my stuff, being busy with his work/family. This fear is connected to computers mostly - that is my weak point, because I do not get a lot of things about Linux but I do not see other systems as a good alternative. Oh, I should direct my Geek-Drive at knowing my OS sometime.
Anyway. That's all for today.