My Mighty Mind

Since last post I haven't dropped the thought that I did not change much.
Yes, I ended up crying at the end of the day.
I've been trying to change my life for two years, but I do not see any improvement. So what that I get up earlier? I'm still the same old me, driving myself crazy, longing to meet the bitter end.
When I'm looking in the mirror, I don't like what I see.
During these years there was not a thing I want to remember, because pretty much everything ended in frustration and misery.
Why does my mind keep me from improving? Is it even doing this or is it something else? Then what else there is? I'm not sure if my theory of a Mighty Mind is true, but if my mind is the reason then what does it want? Is it keeping me safe from something out there in the world? Is it extraterrestrial control or am I going slightly mad and paranoid?
Yeah, now I feel pretty bad.
I'm still the same, and this makes me sad and desperate.