I've had a thing that I call 'a panic attack' today. I have not had them in a year or so, I guess.
Yes, the reason is an unrequired love - or the remains of it. Trying to kill it every day for a month from the both sides is kind of effective. I decided that it would be better to finish it off as soon as possible. It will be better for him and me.
I started re-reading 'The Bridge Across Forever' by Richard Bach. I am remembering some fragments of the plot, but don't remember the main story to the fullest. The thing is - this novel is about the idea of 'the One'.
He does not love me, that is obvious. Still, I was (and wanted to be) blind. Because hope is so tempting and warming, that I did not want to let go. And I've promised and said things that I wish everybody heard once in his/her life. I have never said them, neither have I felt like this before. Loving a person the way he is - that's something so beautiful and heartbreaking, that I'm crying while typing this. It is a misfortune to kill these feelings and it is an unbearable pain to keep them.
I realize that the way things are around me right now is not the way I want them to be. I lowered my moral principles and thought that it was worth it. But people come and go, and I stay before my own judgement.
Yes, I don't want to be alone. But even less do I want to lose myself.
Starting tomorrow I will not see him or talk to him (except in emergency or utter necessity) before I am sure that I have no romantic feelings for him. And I will set my mind on positive thinking. And I will do the impossible and be the invincible.
Yes, the reason is an unrequired love - or the remains of it. Trying to kill it every day for a month from the both sides is kind of effective. I decided that it would be better to finish it off as soon as possible. It will be better for him and me.
I started re-reading 'The Bridge Across Forever' by Richard Bach. I am remembering some fragments of the plot, but don't remember the main story to the fullest. The thing is - this novel is about the idea of 'the One'.
He does not love me, that is obvious. Still, I was (and wanted to be) blind. Because hope is so tempting and warming, that I did not want to let go. And I've promised and said things that I wish everybody heard once in his/her life. I have never said them, neither have I felt like this before. Loving a person the way he is - that's something so beautiful and heartbreaking, that I'm crying while typing this. It is a misfortune to kill these feelings and it is an unbearable pain to keep them.
I realize that the way things are around me right now is not the way I want them to be. I lowered my moral principles and thought that it was worth it. But people come and go, and I stay before my own judgement.
Yes, I don't want to be alone. But even less do I want to lose myself.
Starting tomorrow I will not see him or talk to him (except in emergency or utter necessity) before I am sure that I have no romantic feelings for him. And I will set my mind on positive thinking. And I will do the impossible and be the invincible.
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