My Heartbreaks

He did not let me be happy even for a week. He broke my heart again. Yesterday I thought that the next one will be the last one for sure.

But today everything's changed and I don't feel the same.

When he says he does not love me, I don't believe him. He is mistaken. A person not in love won't do what he does and the way he does that.

We went to the Planetarium together to hear the lecture on black holes. I showed him to my parents, who were there, too. After that he told me he hoped I had not presented him as my boyfriend. 'No, I did not', I told him, 'because we are not dating'. Though, I think we kind of do: we watch K-on and Dr Katz together, we share our meals, we do stuff in bed, we kiss and hold hands.

He told me that I deserve better - that a person, who can love should be loved. Yet again, I don't believe him. Even if I deserve better, life's not fair. I wanted him for a long time, I wished for us to be happy together. I know I should have wished he loved me. I guess, I still do want him to love me.

I think that the one who rushes things now is him. It's been only slightly more than a month since we hugged for the first time. I don't know how it works but it gets on my nerves that he tries to break my heart so freaking periodically. Why can't he just give it a rest and have fun?

Sometimes I feel like my dreams are much more real than anything that happens when I am awake. And, well, tonight I saw another person. We chatted for a while before I went to sleep yesterday. And I've dreamed of him.

That's it. I am ready to let go.

Yes, my mind is still set on all these plans to make him love me, but my heart is not there anymore.

And I don't think it is enough. It will never be enough. It's just how it works for me.

Everything is going to be alright.