I can pretend that this is alright. That I am honest in this situation - I am in love and everything that happens is to his conscience. But that's not true. We are both acting in a foul way.
I do not regret anything that was between us. But this should not have lasted - not like this.
It becomes worse each time, I cry and he suffers. But we do this over and over again. And this should stop, because this is not the way things go between a boy and a girl.
He promised me to be a good boy and control himself. I am going to help him with that.
Now I am more convinced that what we have will not evolve into a good thing. At the very least it will take a great deal of effort. And I am not sure that I am willing to give my everything for that, not anymore. Not when I think he does not want it too.
Once I asked him to be only mine, and he actually broke up with his gf. But seeing him not care for me breaks my heart. He does not have deep feelings for me, that is obvious. C'est la vie, I should have told myself long ago and moved on. But the possibility of us being together drags me back. And this is sad and painful.
We both think that we could have never been a part of such situation. And yet here we are, doing things we did not think we were capable of, lowering our moral values and becoming someone we don't want to be. And this should stop.
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