I have entered the anger phase.
Why the hell our relationship did not work? Damn him and me and these stupid feelings. I hate all this.
Yesterday I was weak. I have learned that he is ill and went to him with tea and a sweet roll. I like to care about people. But damn it.
I want to be like him, actually - knowing a lot of people who can come to your place in the evening. Yeah, I am not loved like that even by this small circle of friends I have. And that's sad.
I told him about my plan and - oh noes - he did not have any objections. Well, of course, I am not hoping for it to work out, because something always happens at the last moment. But erm... It's settled until then.
Anyhow, it went pretty well yesterday. Yes, I still have feelings (and I'm so angrrry) but they are ok. I can control them.
Damn it, damn, damn, damn.
And I won at Jackal board game.
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2 comments:
So, I guess, now I should be offenced or what? "I am not loved like that even by this small circle of friends I have" - wtf?! Do you think that love is measured by how many times one's friends come to him in the evening? Sorry, if I misinterpreted your thoghts, but that kinda sucks to hear something like that from one of your closest friends...
To Антон:
Well, no it's not measured like that, of course. But sometimes I measure relationships between people in how willing they are to do unrequired things - like coming in the evening to give a present before birthday as they are leaving for a while (just an example).
I know, it's a tricky thing. But I feel lonely when I see people do this stuff for others and know that I don't have similar experience.
These are just thoughts arising from the psychosocial crisis of the 'Young adults' stage (Erikson's concept).
Sorry if I offended you, it was not my intention. I really do appreciate our friendship, it rocks to have you in my life =)
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