Erm. I'm not sure what I want to write here tonight. I actually feel pretty tired after this weekend. I've been waiting for it and now it's come and passed. I don't think it was that good. But I am never quite satisfied with anything, I guess.
I am slightly irritated, very sad (mb too sad because I've started watching Moon movie), offended and disappointed. Well, yeah.
The most distracting thing was realizing that people eventually find out that you are lucky and clever and they actually do everything to make you lose. Not because they want something for themselves. But because they do not want you to win. I have always wanted to see some good in people, believe in their honesty and now I'm taken aback by what I've seen in this stupid childish game.
The second sad thing I've realized is that I do not fit in. There were lots of people at the party and I did not find a single person who'd understand me. Oh damn, why people are so selfish and dense, why don't they want to listen to me. It was so damn lonely there.
I did some stupid things, too. Like kissing someone I should not have. And staying for the night was definitely a mistake.
I don't feel right about all of this. Because it makes me think I don't fit in anywhere. There is somewhere we belong, isn't there? That's what some songs have been telling me. Well, I've found out I had not found it yet.
He liked my present. He thought I've asked my bf on what he prefers, but, you know, liking a person presumes that you know him as well as you can you can get to know him when he's always seeing someone else and not you. Ah, my broken heart will never be mended. But I know I do not really want what my heart longs for.
Tomorrow the new week begins and I'll be all alone for a while. My beloved leaves for 3 weeks (and damn him for preferring talking with ugly girls instead of being with me last night - that's what offended me the most).
Anyway, I want to think I'm strong enough to be on my own.
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