My Hateful Day

Yup, the post is about today.
Today I:

1. took back a book which one guy from school borrowed from me a long time ago (the last book of Harry Potter) and he convinced me not to run in the nearby forest because of crazy people and other dangers;
   
2. realized I can't make any small decision (smaller that buying a car or agreeing for an interview) - and I mean it. I could not even decide where to go and whether or not I want to drink cola;
3. got that call from Baker&McKenzie for the interview this Friday. Oh, I want to get in. I'm not sure if it's OK to ask them about this program I have an opportunity to get into... 'cause I can't ask my parents if that's OK... Anyway, I'm happy, nervous and will try my best;
   
4. had an argument with parents about staying overnight at his place. They did not let me - I had to go home, now I'm not talking to them, because a) I am pretty sure they won't listen and b) I can't speak;
5. cried in the metro for the second time in my life. It was stress and heat and a lot of people around and it all came to me like sometimes last year, when I could not control myself much. Well, it's not something to be proud of, I'm actually very ashamed. Last time was on that day (it's also Day 22), if you are interested;
6. thought about hatred as a motivation. Does not work for me, I guess. At least it should not. In my world there is no place for hatred, disrespect, lies, disbelief etc.;
7. did not like my body at all, skipped dinner, but ate at Burger King at lunch;
8. found old music to listen in the evening (Linkin Park to settle my mind to its right place plus OST for Spider Man 2, Il Nino and stuff like that);
9. got disappointed in a few things: my parents' policy, my inability to fight and his love for MTG.

Yeah, I'm all depressed and beaten and lying on the ground in the dirt and cannot get up.
I just can't understand why people around are so unsupportive. I am trying my best, I have so many problems of my own, why try to make me bleed deeper and harder? I am still crying, actually. Because I am weak, my policy is 'shut up, try to cry while people do not see you and eliminate every possible social contact'. I am weak and I almost hated three blood-related persons today.