Oh, it was so simple and calm without anyone to love. No one told you you are an idiot to spend your time on nothing, no one tried to convince you that your beloved is an idiot as well. Moreover there was no beloved one to make you sad, only yourself to do that. (At this very point I unpacked a box of choco sweets and ate one immediately - the thing in the throat went away for a minute)
It's not that I want to be selfish or anything. I try not to. But it makes me think in a tragic way of my 'right now' life. (I ate another chocolate - this time with caramel inside) Just because yesterday he told me he would be free the day he got his diploma I thought he would spend this day with me (well, he suggested that in the first place). But the day was moved to the next one (which is tomorrow) and he sent me a message that he would be busy. And I made some magnificent plans of how I'd be with him already, oh foolish me.
So, yeah, the only way to settle this problem is to say something stupid and go to bed before you start crying. (After this sentence my eyes became watery and the image of the outer world pretty hazy.
It's up to me to decide whether to revenge this day on him and come up with some busy stuff for Wednesday, when we actually can be together or let it go.
I know I will be sad tomorrow as well and will yearn to be with him all day. Knowing that he chose drinking alcohol with his friends over the time during which he could be with me will be slowly killing me tomorrow. And this is it.
And this post did not help me much to calm down and stop being depressed over the matter. And since last weekend (he met with my parents and granny) things became kind of complicated (in my head at least). Why can't it be simple like... like peas?
Anyway, my bro is here. And I'm going to talk to him for a while.
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