My First Buck

Yay, I earned my first dollar with this 'google ads'. Actually, I should thank my friends, I guess. They are my most frequent and active readers. Yup, thank you for your interest and attention everyone.
And I've spent a lot of money today for different things like present for granny (I should make something nice for her anyway, I doubt she'll be happy with just her new mobile phone), MTG cards (oh noes!!! and moreover, they tricked me with these blue cards - there was none U in this pack of 100 - all of them were multicolored) etc.
I'm kind of tired after all this busy stuff everyday but empowered too. And much more is yet to come.
I decided to never eat at McD again. Never ever. Not even a drink - no way.
And I'm going to ask my bf to ask me for a date (erm, he never actually did that officially) to a restaurant or something, because his MTG album was bigger than my backpack and I had to listen to 'your bag is open' and then carry it in my hands. Plus it's pricey and I don't want him to give me money back. My plan is ideal, isn't it?
Soon I'll finish Kalevala and finally turn to my big pile of books for summer. I'm a little bit afraid that I'll fail to read 20 books in 2 months with my speed of reading (lowest possible). But I'll try at least. And last year I read a lot during the first days of September.
I'm not happy with my farmer's suntan but I'm not sure what I can do about it. I don't have clothes that show much of my body to public. But I guess, I can think of something when I finally decide to run to the ponds through forest.
That's it for now. I promise to post more. It's just these hectic days of summer...

My Quarter of Month

Yeah, it's been a long time since last post.
I passed all exams quite successfully and will have a scholarship next year, too. That is great. I personally think that this time I passed exams better than ever before.
I played Star Craft board game last weekend and we spent a lot of time together with my beloved.
I went to the zoo and my neck is red now because of this extreme sun. Giraffes are still cool. They... inspire me somehow. We (me and Yui, we went to the zoo together) ate with my dad that day. We met the next day after the exam, but I actually thought that more time has passed. I also helped Yui a little bit with her stuff, because she is leaving and I took some of her books and a printer to my house. Then I went to my parents and did some cleaning here.
I have a lot of stuff to think about after talking to my dad. Well, I'd like to know if everybody thinks the way he does (oh I doubt it, because he is too judging and precautious). Yeah...
Anyway, now I'm free to do whatever I want because it is the last free summer I have in my life. My plans are still kind of small, but I'm working on it.

My Joyful Morning

I had to stay overnight at his place. Oh, his cunning little plans, which I did not see through quite right. It was mentally terrible to stay at someone's place. I did not even have a toothbrush. But oh wasn't it good. It was cute to see him wanting to be just beside me. He is so loveable, I don't know what to do. Well, if I wasn't a girl... Anyway, it was something absolutely new for me.
And in the morning he was quite irritated and he eventually told me that I make him sad acting like I didn't want to stay and didn't like it. Oh my, I really thought that it was a joyful morning, while he was bragging about how dull it was, getting his stuff for work. With that kind of attitude, how people manage the life? Yeah, I know it's been easy for me up till now, but happiness is to be achieved. Nah, I don't really know how to say those things. But I want to make people happy, I want them to get up in the morning and think about how beautiful everything is. It's a pity he does not see things the way I do. Well, he does not have depressions like I do but come on.
I slept throughout the day, my head unexplainably (no such word in a dictionary) hurts. Maybe that's because I think about life too hard.
I got excellent for the exam again. And after that I said a compliment to a stranger for the first time. And I loved it. It was that girl (she was in her mid-30-s maybe), she was there, giving ads for a shop and she looked so cool, that it just slipped from my mouth. Well, now I know how to raise my mood to the highest level in 15 seconds. Plus you make somebody happy, too. So, it's even.
I just want to say, that whatever is to come, I love this world.

My Shaking Blue Hands

I feel much better today. I actually feel alive and kicking. And I'm listening to Nickelback, so I'm full of power right now.
Yesterday I felt dizzy, almost fainted in the bath, looking at my - whoa - blue palms. Well, everything is better now. I can stand and walk without any trouble.
Being in a relationship really gives me many things to think about and from a different point of view. Like what the happiness really is and what this life is about - because there is somebody out there caring for you, and you can't just think that someday you'll drop the relationship to move on and get what you've been dreaming about your whole life. Or will you?
Well, actually it was that song of NB:

"And damn it, this feels too right
It's just like deja vu
Me standing here with you

So I'll be holding my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with"

And I have those kind of deja-vus, too, like everything at the present was meant to be. I can't look in the future, maybe that's for the best. But that made me ask myself whether I would let go of my dreams if I knew I was going to be happy with the person and could live a long and calm life with him by my side.
It was quite a shock for me that I could not answer that right away like I always did - yup, I'll just leave them behind if they are holding me from moving forward. But I stopped and got a little bit anxious about the matter.
I guess, I can't let myself think that I will be alone again: it's too scary. I don't know what it will be like to be alone after I understood what it is like to be with someone. Maybe that's the point in your life after which you will always be around someone. Maybe not. I suppose, if that happens I'll get a whole lot of new experience. Or will revise past times. Anyway, right now I don't want to think about anything like that - I've been ill long enough to be at the edge of failing the exam. 2 days, everything is gonna be alright.

My Real Birthday

I celebrate my own birthday twice a year. My real one is always screwed up because of the exams or something else, while the other, which is in the late fall constantly makes me feel better.
Well, this year I actually invited somebody to celebrate the real one with me. I got presents (can you believe it?) and more than that - I liked them. Last year I did not even post anything about my birthday because it was quite an ordinary day and I was learning Roman Law. Well, this time I had an exam the next day, too. So, we gathered after the exam (I got an excellent mark, by the way). I liked it, but overall I was worried that my friends did not have enough fun. We played some MTG (I knew I'd play MTG on my bd!) - and I lost all games, then everything collapsed and people were using my netbook for forums/reading vampire porn/drawing their original comics. We didn't even eat the cake, because everybody came at different time and ate some stuff. Yeah, cake... Well, anyway, it was kind of my first birthday 'party' since middle school. And I was happy.
Now I'll explain why I did not post it 2 days ago. The first day I was obviously busy with my presents and bf stuff *blushes* The next day I fell ill and then we are at the present time and I don't feel any better. It is weird, because I only have a temperature (up to 102 F) and my head hurts a little bit, but no more symptoms. I did not really have a chance to use my super-techniques how not to be ill because it hit me like a lightening.
Now as I am not capable of learning anything and I am not adequately responding to the outside world events, I have a desire for small accomplishments like reading a book or completing a level of something or winning an MTG game. Will sleeping for a few hours count?
I've also applied for the job. Waiting for their reply. I don't actually have much hope for that, plus I've planned so much for this summer holidays already. But if I'm in, I'll be happy to earn some more gold to weight down my pockets.

My Artificial ADD

Yeah, nobody likes you when you're 23. That's a quote.
I'm still blaming the medication, but it starts to get on my nerves. It's alright when I'm not learning because I don't want to. But it surely is not normal when I'm trying to and can't. My inability to concentrate lately pisses me off. What day is it today? What weekday? What have I just read? Wait, I'm not supposed to think about that right now. Why am I standing there and where I was heading?
It actually takes me some effort to come back to continue writing the post. Well, I don't believe I can't overcome it. It's just that from time to time I forget to keep trying. I hope coffee and fish oil will help somehow.
And I'm afraid of spending this day alone. I know that people don't want to distract me (very funny, right?) because the next exam is tomorrow, but mah! Well, no. I don't feel the fear. I don't pretty much feel anything right now. Maybe a little bit sleepy.

My Handful of Dirt

Nope, I'm not preparing. I'm reading web comics and drinking coffee. Well, I just could not let it slip, I have to write down the quote from the marvelous Gunnerkrigg Court:

We all eat a handful of dirt before we die, Annie. Who cares if it tastes like cherry?

Remember my old blog - Exams are coming? Its most popular post is full of motivational quotes.
By the way, I want to read the whole blog again and look for grammar mistakes and stuff. People are reading it, which actually surprised me.
Well, motivating and inspiring people is kind of a dream for me. So, I'm off to motivate people to prepare for their exams. Yeah, I should not forget to motivate myself, too.

My Days Going Backwards

I am getting the bad habit everybody else has: learning stuff just before the exam.
It is good because you remember the stuff you learned. But there is a drawback - you have a chance to have little time to learn and no time to look through the material again.
Well, my plan was to study for two days and learn everything, so I would have a free day before the exam. And this free day should have been wonderful. But no, I did not study much today, so I'll have to spend Monday with this almost physically disgusting subject (I know I have to be cold-headed when it comes to work and duties, but ugh~).
And so I thought that it would have been nice if days went backwards. Like you have an exam tomorrow and you live with this thought and study, then the previous day comes, and you can learn stuff you didn't finish the next day. Well, sort of.
And I'm thinking about drinking coffee again. I guess I will. Hope I don't get another great habit of drinking that liquid with the color of the dirt.

My Lemonade Necessity

Yup, I've made a kind of a lemonade - looks more like ice tea to me, except without ice. Erm. Anyways, this is a complaint: yesterday the temperature was over 25 C, now it's around 15 C. It seems to me that I have slightly miscalculated the necessity of a lemonade today. I've prepared it yesterday at night. I had to get up after I had already went to bed. Oh, these MTG competitions and me are like two sides of one coin for my bf.
Actually I have more complaints about this night, but I won't make the large list of them here. Instead, I will mention that I got up almost 3 hours ago and still did not get down to work. Yeah, I have 48 hours to learn everything. It sounds like a 'mission impossible'. But hey - I've looked through two civil law volumes in a day. This is a no challenge for me after what I've overcome recently. So now I am going to turn off the monitor and open books, code and lectures. Hooray for exams time and my motivation to finish everything one day earlier.

My Paycheck

Today I've finished reading my book-a-week, which actually was a short story by Philip K. Dick. There is a film that was based on the story. I saw it several years ago and I liked it. Nevertheless reading the original story was intriguing. I plan to read some more of the author. Yes, I am not reading as much as I can and want, pretty much because of the exams.
I've defended my second course paper today for an excellent mark. Prof. Polyanski hadn't even read it, so he gave me the mark based on my speech (for the first time did he do that, so I felt exceptional. My speech sucked big time. You know why? Because... Professor had an exam today, so I had to wait for him to finish it. I sat down near the Department of History of Government and Law (the one he works for) and - guess what - fell asleep. Yup, that's the very me. I really do not fall asleep in the University, not that frequently as you might think. So, professor had to wake me up, saying my name loudly. I've slept for at least half an hour, or even more. Anyway I didn't tell him much of my incredibly interesting work. He said we were both at fault there. Me, for turning in the work too late. Him, for not even reading it. And I wanted to talk to him so much more. I wanted to ask him about his life and I wanted to remind him of the free dinner he promised last summer. I did not. I just thanked him and left, smiling like an idiot. And that's it. I know pretty well that it takes eternity to convince yourself you do not have any romantic feelings for someone. Especially if you insanely often see the person in your dreams. Damn my subconsciousness. But in the end, I got an excellent mark, and my past worries were unnecessary. More than that, I am glad that this very man gave me that mark. Did I really deserve it? I did.
Now back to reality. I took my passport and now can travel, but will not because of the lack of money. Argh. I'm going to set new goals this summer related to the matter.
I wasted the whole evening playing MTG. But of course. What else I am capable of? Deciding my own destiny? Oh, I really am dissatisfied with myself, wasting my precious time I could have spent on studying, learning new stuff, improving myself. Now I know why I've constantly remembered the song "Are you better off alone" and reminded myself that I was actually kind of improving... Well, I am wrong at that point, I am sure. Comparing me from 2 months ago and the present me, I like the latter more. But still I have so many things to change and make better in myself, that days like this - when I realize I could have spent time more effectively - make me despise myself.
Listen here everybody: I know that the best is yet to come.