My Paycheck

Today I've finished reading my book-a-week, which actually was a short story by Philip K. Dick. There is a film that was based on the story. I saw it several years ago and I liked it. Nevertheless reading the original story was intriguing. I plan to read some more of the author. Yes, I am not reading as much as I can and want, pretty much because of the exams.
I've defended my second course paper today for an excellent mark. Prof. Polyanski hadn't even read it, so he gave me the mark based on my speech (for the first time did he do that, so I felt exceptional. My speech sucked big time. You know why? Because... Professor had an exam today, so I had to wait for him to finish it. I sat down near the Department of History of Government and Law (the one he works for) and - guess what - fell asleep. Yup, that's the very me. I really do not fall asleep in the University, not that frequently as you might think. So, professor had to wake me up, saying my name loudly. I've slept for at least half an hour, or even more. Anyway I didn't tell him much of my incredibly interesting work. He said we were both at fault there. Me, for turning in the work too late. Him, for not even reading it. And I wanted to talk to him so much more. I wanted to ask him about his life and I wanted to remind him of the free dinner he promised last summer. I did not. I just thanked him and left, smiling like an idiot. And that's it. I know pretty well that it takes eternity to convince yourself you do not have any romantic feelings for someone. Especially if you insanely often see the person in your dreams. Damn my subconsciousness. But in the end, I got an excellent mark, and my past worries were unnecessary. More than that, I am glad that this very man gave me that mark. Did I really deserve it? I did.
Now back to reality. I took my passport and now can travel, but will not because of the lack of money. Argh. I'm going to set new goals this summer related to the matter.
I wasted the whole evening playing MTG. But of course. What else I am capable of? Deciding my own destiny? Oh, I really am dissatisfied with myself, wasting my precious time I could have spent on studying, learning new stuff, improving myself. Now I know why I've constantly remembered the song "Are you better off alone" and reminded myself that I was actually kind of improving... Well, I am wrong at that point, I am sure. Comparing me from 2 months ago and the present me, I like the latter more. But still I have so many things to change and make better in myself, that days like this - when I realize I could have spent time more effectively - make me despise myself.
Listen here everybody: I know that the best is yet to come.