Crappy feelings, stupid brains, why the heck it hurts so much again? I do not want to be hurt by my thoughts anymore. I am delusional that things will work out themselves, that it is going to be alright. It is not.
I am a rational person, I should understand what is happening. It is some sort of a cell, though. My thoughts keep coming back to what brings me pain.
I am not in love anyway. I am willing to invest feelings and efforts in this, but he is not. Thus, I should back off.
It's just that I've never seen someone want me so badly physically. In my system of relationships this contradicts the 'no spark' situation. Damn.

Yeah, screw everybody who feels offended by what I am writing here. This is my blog and am free to write here things that I want to.

I need an idea that will take my mind away from this. I need something big and shiny.