My Load of Sh*t

Yeah, this title really contains some rude words, it does.
But, well, I'm full of crap that needs to be posted. And I hope that some day some of my crap gets published. If I start to put down my crap in words, that is. Should this post have been titled 'My Crap' instead?
Anyway, I've spent my day the most hated way. Woke up at 9 a.m. then decided to sleep more, which led to getting up at noon. Cooked breakfast for the both of us, tried to force him to get up, which happened a bit later. Then we fooled around for a while until he had to go to birthday party of some school friend. I stayed at home the rest of the day, waiting for my parents (never came due to late hours and bad weather), watching new tv show (how I met your mother, which is simply hilarious). Plus I read few dozen pages of new book by Frei (still reading those). The whole day ended with my bitter tears and sore eyes.
I don't know what was the problem: loneliness, lack of fresh air, no proper dinner or the events of previous night (don't ever ask, but I won't ever forget this failure).
Anyhow, I don't consider myself as a happy person. Nor the responsible one, 'cause tomorrow's birthday of one of my best friends and I don't have a present for her (I suck at remembering the dates).
And I've been thinking that I talked to a lot of people in my life. Some of them gave me so much crap, judging me, criticizing me, offending, deceiving, leaving me when I began to be so needy for them. There is just one thing that makes me feel damn good - in that load of sh*t I have found fantastic relationships and friends which I would like to keep for the rest of my life. And just thinking about these people makes me feel warm and good, for they are supporting and understanding and they love me.
From the Darjeeing Limited I remember one quote which appealed to my thoughts from a while ago. One of the brothers asked two other brothers: if we met in real life would we be friends? That's a tricky question for the family, right? Because if you give it a thought, you will actually never enter into a relationship with somebody like your parents or relatives (if they are not dependant, I mean). Well, that's just that my brother hasn't talked to me since the time he moved away with his gf. I wanted to call his today, but I don't know his home number and it's awkward to call on mobile. I just didn't call.
Well, there was another call today. I called my bf when I felt a little bit lonely at first, but he told me he was busy playing board games then. I went to the shower and missed his calling me back. Then he called at around midnight (he was almost home). I was in no condition to talk already, so I just cried and sobbed and was pretty silent.
And yeah, I hate myself.
That's it for today.