My crappy post

i am bored. I have plenty of things to do, alright. But I am just feeling kind of sad etc.
What I've been doing this week was finishing some animes I began watching and dropped then. Also, I read Narnia and began the forth book. I went to the library once, went for a walk once and went shopping 4 times.
Nah. I don't feel so energetic about going to my old friend's birthday tomorrow evening. But I guess I'll go just because I want to see some new people. I do not like it, though. Mah. It's complicated.
I don't follow my plans thoroughly and that is bad.
Gonna sleep in an hour or so.

My best feasts

I am sitting at my computer with a bowl of self-made vegetarian ramen, noone's around and I'm going to watch anime. What can be better?

My Fears

The more I think about it, the more I understand that my inner fears keep me from doing my best. I am afraid of getting better. For example, I gave up writing for a while now, and I am sure that is not some sort of a 'block' because sometimes I just would sit and write through evening and night going to the 7 a.m. But now I am not and why's that? Because I am afraid that I will not improve. That is ridiculously foolish thoughts.
Coming to understand this, what do I do next? Get down to writing and not fearing anymore?

P.S. I am no good at Spanish yet. But I feel kind of happy as I can understand spoken foreign language quite well.
By the way, today I was in the library and it was fun as I looked through the encyclopaedias for the information on my University work. I can't clearly say that I was having fun, but I think that I had not done any researches on my own (and for myself) for a while.

My Alien under 7

I've been watching this slow-paced series and the main heroine asked the question at the end of the episode: Is there something that important in my life (she was impressed by the Chie's story). So then I thought if there was anything important in my life? I mean besides my memories. I guess that would be my friends and family but that was another question. So... got to think about it.

My Blogging

Yes, I wanted to write something else today so I hesitated a little before pushing 'New Post'.
I've just run through the posts on the page and there was a mistake in every one of them so I tried to correct my inaccuracy.
So then, today I showed my mum my dA page and there was one of my old drawings of sky there. And mum told me that she was not impressed by it with such a disgusted face that I sat in my chair for a while to return to my normal state again. I just can't stand when mum says something like this (and she does frequently). I mean she could have said that I should improve my skills or something. But she did not. I mean why the hell even have people around you so that they will never see that you are trying and appreciate that you do what you love. Why do they not understand if they are your family, huh? I guess I am just a little bit sad and offended.
Now I'm turning back to translating the text in Spanish.

My Miracles

Hooray! I got 'good' for my last exam and I revised everything in a day or so. I am proud of myself, really.
Well, that was 5 days ago. Since then I haven't done much. I'll make a list anyway:

1. I finished 4 anime series (I decided to finish the series I've started and did not manage to watch to the end yet)
2. I listened to a lot of Special D. Come on, this guy is crazy!
3. I talked to Koveras
4. I updated my dA account (today)
5. I started learning Spanish because the anime I want to finish is available with Spanish subs only (today)
6. I started reading Bible, too and read one story

Erm, that's what I mean when I say I want to change my life, huh. Because I do not do things. I become scared when I think about how much time I wasted in my life for nothing. Damn.

My Grass

Well, I am still concerned about the previous exam, but that is not an excuse for watching anime (I finished wonderful Hyakko). I am nervous, of course and I think that I will not be able to learn everything by heart today and I can make a mistake somewhere and he will just smile like he always does and give me that 'bad'. Pfffshhht ~ thinking too much instead of learning.
I use twitter to look at how my learning process is going. Nice stuff.

My mum's advices

are simply good and they make me feel like she's trying to help me achieve something and make my life interesting.
She just told me that it would be good if I went to the Japanese Council and asked to attend one lesson of the group that study Japanese (they do have those for free but you have to apply in summer). She said that I would be able so see sceneries other from what I've seen so far and experience new things.
That is nice, isn't it?

My depressed life

Naaah. Whatever.
Ok, I will write about this, noone is reading this, so it's ok (used 'this' and 'ok' twice which shows my perfect dictionary).
I've been sleepy today as well. If that will go on I will go to sleep eventually and will not wake up some day. Just kidding, I woke up myself today (because I did not set up an alarm intentionally - ой зряя - and woke up around 1 p.m.
My accomplishments today:
- thought about how I hate myself for not doing anything
- re-watched a few episodes of Stellvia just to rise my spirits (didn't help actually)
- tried to sleep for half an hour but my bro's music did not let me and I was too embarrassed to ask him to reduce the volume x_x
- watched two episodes of Hyakko (I can't even watch anime properly, I would have watched it all yesterday if I had taken it more seriously)
- feared everything
- washed dishes (haha, great accomplishment)
- I feel frustrated right now because I want to rely on smth, I want somebody to comfort me instead of comforting others and giving them inspiration. I feel so down asking for other's help and getting it and not being grateful and not accepting it...

One of my Sundays

I just got an idea to write about my day hour-by-hour. So, this Sunday.

0:00 - 1:00 hour (approx.) Read a bit of Ray Bradbury - one story + began a novel
1:00 - 2:30 - surfed the Internet & talked on icq
2:30 - 11:50 - slept
12:00 - 13:00 - breakfast with my brother
13:00 - 15:30 - surfed the Internet, draw a picture of Gen and updated it on dA, talked on icq, watched an episode of Natsume, looked through the list of anime
15:30 - 17:00 - did almost nothing, arranged the questions for the next exam, then put the notes in the notebook, read (omg) 7 pages of the student's book.
17:00 - 17:30 - ate with my mum her voc vegetables and meat which was sooooo good
17:30 - 22:00 - slept, dreamed about harassing friend and woke up with 'I'll be your home' music which plays in the evening to remind me to go to bed
22:00 - 23:00 - watched TV with mum about the guy who built Noah Arc
23:00 - 00:00 - ate pancakes with brother and talked with father about real estate in different countries

And here I am. Life passes just like that, it's strange, isn't it?

My funny thoughts

Every time I have a lot of stuff to learn till tomorrow I think that I will begin learning it earlier for the next exam. Every time.

My current life

Why is my life so screwed up? I don't get it.
I want everything, so why am I not working on it? Motivation is a nonsense created by thinking people. I want to write a book. But I keep thinking - if you can be not writing - do not write, though sometimes I like to force myself.
Mah, if anybody is to be in charge of my life it is only me, right?

Ennui...

...is boredom. I could have never guessed. I donated 100 grains of rice there. I'd like to do it often because it is fun X) Boffin was really scientist, huh...
Well, today I got 'excellent' for my work during the semester so I did not have to take an exam (if only they had said it before I learnt it all. It was fun, though.) I would like to take this exam because I kind of like logics and I find it interesting and entertaining to solve logical problems etc. Ah, and I admire prof. Ivlev because he is so... logical, huh...
Then I spent a lot of time doing nithing and helping others to remember logics and then I went to the library and then home, watched 3 episodes of anime. And that's it. I was surfing the Internet for a while now, so next thing I do is eating with family, then getting rest and then go into the botusai-mode (I went out with my friend yesterday (?) and she reminded me of this botusai thing - it means learning stuff with a lot of effort or something like this - going berserk in other words, though strong determination is not required).
Tadaaan!

Maah!!! I overslept!!!

My failure

Ok, ok, I admit it. I fail. OK. That's not really ok, but anyway.
Something has gone wrong. I mean I did not get it right from the very beginning so now I have a lot of troubles but I promise, I really really really promise (I know you can't say it like that, but... huh) that I'll work even harder the next semester so oh please, my brain, help me pass these exams.
Now I'm done with that weird stuff and I should say that it is even worse than it was during the summer. But now I've just realized how much I changed mentally. I grew up and quite fast, too.
But I got down as well. I am getting what I deserve, of course. And I want to be better (stronger, faster...) but I myself keep me from going further.
I've got tomorrow till the next exam. One day. And I'm gonna do this.

6th

Hahaha, I worked on 5 questions yesterday at night and today I did not even touch my books.
I read my previous blog, where I wrote about entrance examinations and how I worked on entering the University. It was cool and weird to read this stuff. I wrote everyday for a month so now I know the whole process. I can say that I did not change much since that time. Same problems, so no improvement at all. Except I watch more anime that I used to this summer.
I wanted to work on Rome today but instead I watched a lot of anime and did some other stuff.
I am going to sleep now and read my notes on Rome. Hope, that will help.

Bye-nee (I've noticed that I used it in the previous blog at the end of some of the posts - nice, isn't it?).

5th

Ok, I have looked through 16 questions already.
Guess how many questions I worked on today? Yup, None. That is depressing, but what is worse is that I am sleepy all the time from waking up to brushing my teeth in the evening, and I am so sleeepy, that I can just put my head on the arm and dream for 5 minutes until I wake up falling on the book. And my books are big - that saves me.

4 days and 83 questions left.

My third of January

7 days till the first exam, 19 days to the last one.
Yes, I can imagine myself being a good student, but I can't live like that.
Today I:
worked on 1 question,
watched 13 episodes of Library War, which was so awesome that I could not stop.

It is embarrassing, but what should I do to gain more will-power?

That is how it was - my first day of exam preparation.
Yes we can, huh?

Jan 2009 the beginning

As it said there you should make some reports on the things you've done everyday. I'll try that here, though it is not exactly what they meant.
So, today I read a lot of stuff on time management, advice, tips for students etc. I hope that I'll use all this during the month, because I have 4 exams. It is not that they are extremely difficult or that I do not any bit of information that is required, but these are my first exams at the University and I feel uneasiness, because professors kept telling us the whole semester that 1/4 of the students fail their first exams.
I'll try my best, of course, and I will look forward to see if I got any better from the time I took entrance exams to four universities.
Tomorrow the first thing to be done is cleaning up the room as it is all packed with things that got there while I was away. It should take no more than 4 hours.
The second thing is making a plan. And not some crappy plan with things like 'learn the subject' but with one-by-one steps how to achieve the best knowledge on each subject.
Well, I should get some fresh air and relax a bit, because I feel bad now after all these staying-up-all-night holidays.

My fav articles of the day

Here it is: http://calnewport.com/blog/2008/11/25/case-study-how-i-got-the-highest-grade-in-my-discrete-math-class/
It is about how to attend science or math classes but some of the tips can be used on anything.

And another article about what it means to be a student - http://courseware.ee.calpoly.edu/~jbreiten/htbas.html . The basics of being a student according to the article:

• Prioritize your life: Doing well in school should be your top priority.
• Study: There is no substitute.
• Always attend class.
• Do all of the homework and assigned reading.
• Develop self-discipline.
• Manage your time.

The third one is this one. It is actually a list of sites for students.

My 2009 year: plans

Well, if I think of the excitement and the opportunity to change everything inside and outside, I come up with goals that I'd like to achieve during the year of 2009. Here they are:

1. To learn a new language (French would count as I know it on the level 'Bonjour, Je m'appele Xie')
2. To learn a lot of hot stuff. I mean - everything. e.g. being a geek, learning about aircraft and be a pro in time management or web design
   
3. To learn piano or harmonica
   
4. To read a lot of good books that will make me cry or laugh and feel extremely good
5. To become strong and by that I mean to be a winner in all the areas
   
6. To learn how to cook really good (http://www.opensourcefood.com/)
7. To learn a little bit of Zen and get rid of unnecessary stuff
8. To learn stuff about computers, laptops and OSs
9. To become a semi-pro crazy photographer
10. To try out a few cool jobs that do not do anything with libraries and books ('cause I've tried that already)
11. To learn some songs and become a lousy singer (here is an article)
12. To learn how to draw that it will take my friend's breaths away
13. To learn economics basics
    
14. To be able to add something else later
    

My plans

I do not know exactly what one should do to change himself, but the first thing I always do is setting up a plan.