Today I sort of came out of the closet - told my mom I fell in love with girls as well as with boys. It's nice to have parents who have worked all their lives in science, because after my confession we talked about how civilizations used to die occasionally because of homosexual culture. Huh.
It is a fairly good day today. I try to stay positive. I guess this is a vital part and should be my challenge for a while - I certainly lack the ability to let go of sadness and guilt and just relax. When I find myself smiling I shyly change my thoughts to how I haven't started my coursepaper yet or how difficult the upcoming exams are or how I should do stuff at work etc.
I am still analyzing (yup, do that a lot) that time I was happy for a few weeks. Was I high? Just kidding. But I've come up with the following reasons of my sudden happiness:
- Appreciation of myself as I am (I was complimented on my body on a frequent basis at the time)
- Highest performance of my geek drive due to new series of Sherlock, SPN fandom and tumblr
- Awareness of friends and family support (though, this may be a consequence)
Now to where it all have gone:
- The compliments ceased to happen and I gained some weight because I did not have any diet plan and I still do not have a habit of doing sports systematically
- Geek drive is still intact, but I have reached the ongoing in SPN and I have to wait a few years before 3rd series of Sherlock. Geekiness is my best source of happiness, actually - nothing to complain about here.
- I've lost friends on the way, who were precious ones. You lose some, you gain some, alright. But still the tragedy remains.
I know myself pretty good now to say that I've got to reason with myself. Like what is the point of being overstressed about exams while they are yet to come and I was pretty much successful at the last 'session'? Well, there is of course no limits to self-development, and I've got a lot to work on.
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