My Egoism

Oh, it's all so good now. I'm smiling most of time, laughing, having fun.

At the same time my relationship gets worse. He wants my attention and I don't bother to give him that. I think he is a 'boring lawyer' type, I was afraid of becoming one someday. He does not read, oh boy how can a person not have an urge to read fiction? He said he never imagined himself being anything else than a lawyer. I am still pondering over becoming a cosmonaut!
I know what I want from people - marvels and wonders of their world.

[This post is hard to write. But I will not quit]

I really do feel good about myself. But I'm being harsh on my friends. And I've been keeping secrets from them (like watching a TV show further on, while they are misled with my words of how I don't want the story to continue for me). And I don't really miss anyone, I'm not considerate at all. All this time it was kind of all about me. Holding hands at lectures with different people, writing sms to another person. I am not cheating on my boyfriend, because he is not a sufficient part of my life. But he still tells me he loves me and all I can do is mutter "me too" back, almost automatically. It just does not feel like I want to be with someone intimately. I'm all good by myself - for the first time of my life.

I am a bad person, selfish, corrupted inside. I am still what I am, and my past remains the same.

I don't know why and how, but I finally feel good about myself. I like it and appreciate it very very much. I wish I could be like that (or better) from now on. So please, please, tell me if something is wrong and help me make it right. I want everybody to feel the joy of life I feel.