Monday, May 30, 2011

My Selfish Desires

This blog has more than 300 posts now. This one is 305th.

Back from statistics to my life.
These past few days were all about me - what I want and need, how I feel etc.
Well, that gave me a chill this evening. I have told myself to stop this policy before it changes me into what I don't want to be.

I am the person who likes to help people. I want to give them myself, completely and unconditionally. And yet my desires and intentions were not that pure lately.

So, I'm going to ask myself before I do anything else: what can I actually give, and is it worth the thing that I demand in return?

I really like to see people grow, to see them think about life, while gently guiding them to the optimistic state of mind.

I was amazed at how strong I became during these 3 years that I'm writing in this blog.
I can start a conversation with a total stranger and do not feel uncomfortable about it (vice versa most of the times).
I can bear with heart break of any kind.
I overcome my fears more easily.

Though, I may be in the ashes right now, I am sure I can rise and be even more powerful than I was before. And I know that I want people around me to have that power, too. I want to bring change into their lives. I should not want anything in return, neither should I cherish groundless hopes, even if they are so tempting.

Speaking of more realistic things: I have the next exam in 3 days and I should start cramming, the sooner the better.

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