My Possible Mistakes

I can't avoid writing this here (assuming this blog to be an important log of my life).

Last night I was on the phone with Vyainye. As you may know, there was the plan of breaking up with him in my head and I hoped to do that the least painful way. At the certain moment of our talk V. asked me "Do you love me? Do you want to continue our relationship?" I said that I could not answer these questions. He was frustrated at the very least. And then I asked him if he could give me some time to find my answers. He gave me 11 hours till 12 a.m. today.
I just want to say that I did not give him my answer so far. Our relationship continues. He said that he suggests us to start knowing each other again. While I thought the only reason why we stick together is because we know each other. Just imagining that I'll have to tell all this stupid stuff about me again to somebody... Wait, I'm not that person anymore. Shush.

His best friend tried to break up with his gf again. They still continue their relationship. And tonight I've told him that I had liked him for awhile. He said he was surprised, but thankful. And I've told him about that because I want him to free himself from the relationship he is in now. I want him to just know that my theories that someone can be looking for him, but he is 'taken', are not made-up crap. Well, I guess I am selfish (I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right... Ghem...). He told me that he wants to see me and likes being with me, but it would not have worked out. I knew it from some point of my life, too (insert link on the post where I thought I stopped liking him). So, I absolutely agree with him. Plus, I decided to live my life without regrets. I believe that everything that happened and the time when it happened was somehow right. And my dad has always been angry of 'What if...' sentences which led to dropping this bad habit of imagining myself in alternative realities after the decision is made/thing happened.

Anyhow, whether or not those were mistakes, I humbly hope it is for the best. My continued relationship, which is kind of stuck - I have told him that I hate mango and peach flavors, but it does not change a thing. And telling about my feelings - I really want it to have no (or positive) influence on our friendship.

I just feel a little bit sad. I am not sure why yet. Not sure...