My Rainy Soul

I want the rain to fill the air. I want drops to fall on the earth. I want to smell water. I want my shoes to be wet. I want to hold my umbrella, which has the color of a clear sky. And I can feel the rain coming.

I'm free of any failed exams now. Yay! But I am still ill and will not go to work tomorrow. Damn this temperature... I decided to drink an ocean of tea to get better. One kettle of hot water is drain, now the second one is on its way.

My Corrupt Start

Why do I even make plans? No, I know why, but still it sucks when they crash right after you've made them all clear and nice.
I went to the doctor today and he said I should stay at home till Thursday. I still have temperature and cough.
So, I did only one thing out of planned stuff for today. I overslept (by 4 hours), watched tv series and slept during the day, too. I've read some PD, though. I even subscribed to this litelife site.
Tomorrow I will try to at least revise some material for Monday.
And that's it.
Ah no. I've watched two episodes of Doctor Who, that's why I drafted a post for my fentastik life blog: How to seduce in Doctor Who way.

My Subjective Reality

One night I woke up because of the strange sounds I had heard from outside.
They were pretty similar to those of TARDIS. And yes, I thought that Doctor had finally come into my life.
This post is stuck at this point. It is quite pointless to write anything else, don't you think?
But now I know why BBC show 'Confidential' right after the show - for our subconsciousness to understand that Doctor is not (oh no, I'm not going to write this).
And oh, that sound was some guy trying to start a car engine which (I assume) he had not used for a while.

My 6 a.m. Tomorrow

Tomorrow I will get up early.
I am going to get my life on track again.
I have a lot of work to do and I suppose I need some kind of a fresh start.
On Saturday I will get the required documents, then will read the material that I did not revise yet.
On Sunday I will do homework for Monday and revise everything again.
On Monday I will go to seminars and get zachot in the evening.
On Tuesday I will work, print out stuff for criminal law and do task for civil law.
On Wednesday I will work, answer something on civil law, do tasks for civil procedural law which were due last week and do homework for Thursday.
On Thursday I will go to the library, start paperwork on criminal law, go to the lectures, do homework due for Friday.
On Friday I will answer on seminars, go to the lectures, try to arrange meeting with professor re missed seminars of civil procedure, do homework for Saturday and what was due for previous classes and finish paperwork for criminal law.
On Saturday I will answer on the seminar, give my paperwork, arrange meeting re missed seminars (if necessary). Later that day I'll meet V. to give him bd presents.

Plus the next week I will eliminate the illness, establish good working/sleeping routine.

After writing it all down I don't feel the pressure at all. It actually seems pretty doable.

My Life-changing Point

Today I let myself dream about time after I get expelled (Monday will be my last chance this semester). Just nice thoughts about what I would have done.
Like, visit libraries, because I do not have time for this now. Or watch movies I did not manage to watch. Or see friends I haven't seen in a long time.
Though, I do not believe that I would have done all those things, as in August 2009 I did not do much, while I had all the time I needed.
But still, these thoughts were really nice. They are. I should do something with it.

My Love Life

It's been a while since I wrote everything here, so just bear with one more post.
What's been on my mind for a few weeks now is that I don't want to hurt my boyfriend, and I want to be friends with him, but we need to part.
I don't really know what to say. We have different views on things. I am afraid to be dragged more in his way of life, because it contradicts with mine.
I want to find a soulmate. I want to be able to read to him and listen to his reading. I want his to come to me when I'm in need. My bf is full of excuses of how he thought that it would have been good to do some things for me. I need more romance in my life. I want to be loved, and I don't feel it with him. I want him to care for me, but it seems that he cares for himself more than for anybody. And the way he behaves at home is just not tolerable.
Those may be banal things but they are important to me.
I can't say that he is a bad person - no. It's just that I want to try something else. And I know, that will be better for me.
He needs to learn how to care for others and I'm not sure I can help him with that anymore.
It's not that simple, though. I still have feelings for him. And I will always have them, alright.
Nevertheless the time will come for this, too.

My Blog Importance

Today I've been asked by my bf what I did last 28th of February. Luckily, I have a place where I can find the answer. I have found a post in this blog nearby today's date.
Blog is really good to track my life - what I've been watching, what was bothering me.
But sometimes I don't write the precise things, so I'll try to write more names, titles etc. Because the time passes and I forget things that were on my mind, even if I thought they were extremely important.

My Past 4 Days

In the past 4 days I:

1. Got ill, never went out to the street and stayed in bed
2. Got obsessed with Max Frei once again and read 3 of his books (one finished, one from the beginning and I listened to another - it was read by Verovoi, and sounded pretty funny, because I have imagined their voices way too different). Now I'm waiting to meet Vitalia, from whom I've been borrowing the books. Plus I actually debated on whether to buy the next few books from the 'Labyrinths' series. Still debating. Maybe I should buy an e-book from my next salary?
3. I played stupid flash RPG game - Hands of War. I was a wizard and played up to 24th level, stopped there.
   
4. I watched the first season of 'Glee', which made me a little bit jealous, because I seem to have missed fun in my youth. Too bad it's almost over. Now I think that I have to try to take better care of myself (I mean my outfit). I was actually surprised of how many fans there are of Glee in Russia. I mean, they are so American.
   
5. I did research on the types of voices and found out that I like higher voices, even counter-tenor. By the way, I like male voices more.
6. I missed two events because of the illness (mid-Uni with my group and the concert of the Dartz) and my zachot, so I will still have to learn that till this Friday. Ahem. I still don't want to.
   

So, that's how I shortened my winter by 4 days. I will stay at home tomorrow, too. Will try to learn something at last.
And I'd better sort everything out before I get pressured with all the undone and postponed things.

My Mid-Winter Crisis and Survival

I finally broke today. It's been so long since I cried last time.
I woke up at 2:40 a.m. because of the pain in my throat. I guess I should have gargled with salt on Monday, but you know how it goes. I suppose it was aspirin that postponed my sickness for a few days.
So, I stayed at home today, missed the first seminar of a new subject.
Anyhow, I watched an episode of new Doctor Who, finished another book by Frei, ate a bowl of popcorn, listened to different music, slept a lot. I was just being ill.
I have zachot tomorrow and I could not get myself to prepare for it.
Plus, today I panicked that I would not survive this winter.
And I thought that it would be nice to talk to someone, but my captain (while I am his sergeant) was not answering his phone and I could not think of anyone else, who would have lightened my burden.
I dreamt of IKEA, by the way. I want to buy new towels for the kitchen, 'cause I love them being white and clean, and they are not since my bro's gf lived with us and obviously that was not her priority.
Yeah, tell me please how I can survive this winter and learn 100 questions in 22 hours.

My Honesty

What I still don't get is why people want to make others pitiful. If it's a pleasure for them they should make their closed society.
Actually that's the reason why I am so critical to myself. My own success rarely brings me happiness. My parents were never supportive at things I like and do. Plus my granny is negative and suspicious, while I never lied to her. This hurts and I am so tired of this.
And oh how I wait for spring to come. I am not a big fan of winter overall, and it is so cold outside now, and all this snow and bad parking and lots of traffic increases the gas consumption.
I have a sore throat.
I said such a dumb thing in class today. Why I believe in everything they write in articles on the I-net? While I was reading it did not seem so doubtful.
I feel as if I miss something/someone, but I am not sure what the subject can be. Going to check if it is a book now.

My Dancing Walk

Today I've been told that I walk as if I'm dancing ("идешь, танцуя"). Well, I was flattered. That was the first time somebody noticed my skill of avoiding anything on my way by gracious twist.
I got pretty tired today. Had lunch with a new girl, she is sitting just behind me. Got a strange look by the student from mgimo, I guess that is true that a person prefers to look at someone whom he knows while meeting someone new. Anyhow, my mentor is not pleased with me, but I'm trying my best.
I still will take days off at the end of the week. I didn't study today much. Just read a little bit about murder and the whole system of the second part of the code. Huh. I have a bad feeling about it.
My dinner was elegant today as I've cooked a salad with Dor Blu, a rotten tomato, old salad, pickled pattipan squash...

My Longest Week

That's irony. It was not long. It went by unnoticed because I had to work during my winter holidays at the Uni. Now it's the first week of studies, but I still have to work. I'll try to have all the required hours worked by the end of this week (those that I skipped during the exams in January).
Huh, this Friday I have a zachot, did not start preparing yet. I am pretty tired waking up at 7 a.m. and going to work. Plus I have loads of work this week. I used to brag about lack of work, but now I wish I had less and had more time to prepare for the zachot. Criminal law is not my forte. Nor is criminal procedure (failed that too last semester).
I mistyped my internet account number and thus I had to call my provider to fix that (1000 roubles went to somebody's acc instead of mine).
Watched Green hornet yesterday - total fun.
I began new site - http://sites.google.com/site/russianlawstudent/. Just to be sure my learning hours do not go in vain and can (hypothetically) help someone.
And hey - I passed exams (and haven't written since so long ago). I passed 2 with "excellent" and one with "good" marks.
Mirrodin besieged pre-release last weekend was awesome, too. We got random prizes (though we were not the winners of the event). Played for Phyrexia, because V. loves it. I love Mirran more, though.
Anyhow, I will really try to write more in this blog. I promise.