I skip my breakfasts now (mostly because I oversleep), it does not help much, though, since I do not move more than before. And I feel hungry in the evening, too. I am chewing some bread sticks now. By the way, I like stick-shaped things like bread salted sticks, straws, pencils...
Today I had a very strange dream. Well, I know why I had it - I did some research on pre-marital sex in the evening. I dreamed of me marrying my beloved and having some cheating/sex problems the very next day of the marriage. I don't know why he made me suffer so much, but this dream was a chasing one - I was chasing him, seeking him, longing for him. The dream was filled with so much love - my love - that the thoughts I had before falling asleep seemed absurd in the morning. The thoughts were supposed to help me not to worry over the fact that he is not writing nor calling me and miss him less.
Anyway, I was surprised at how many of my real problems this dream had:
- my sexuality
- the thing that I liked a friend of my beloved (it was before I met him, but it still haunts me)
- my lust vs. my innocence
- lack of nice stuff my beloved says - he claims he cannot express his feelings
I realized that stuff like this - your own emotional experience - changes something in you. The marvel is that you do not know and can not even guess what your partner is experiencing. I would have liked to tell him about my dream. But I tend to forget or miss the moment to say something like this. Do I need to do that anyway?
It's a pity I can't talk about books with him. But I'm lucky to have people around me, who read a lot, so I can even ask for advice.
Plus I hope that I will have a lot of time again this year at the University and will spend it more efficiently.
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