My Past Lives

Sometimes I think that I was a soldier in one of my previous lives. I like to stand straight with arms behind my back just like soldiers do in platoon. And war movies touch me deeply. And I want to be strong so I do push-ups.
I don't know where these ideas come from, really. I don't believe in sansara of any type.
I've watched last episode of season 7 of Supernatural at the end of last week. And it was good. I still have lots of feelings and thoughts. Aftertaste is the best thing after the show. And oh, Sera Gamble outdid herself.
I already have some plans for my vacation (i.e. exams time at the Uni) to rewatch some shows and watch some new. But I want to have some fun in June, too. Because it is almost the last long vacation I will ever have in my life. It is damn too scary.

My Dangerous Ideas

I've come to the state where I doubt a lot of ideas that come to my mind. I mean ideas on my behavior or health or other aspect of my life.

That is the logical outcome of the experience I have had. I doubt my decisions because I have made bad ones and they had some unpleasant or even dangerous consequences (an intake of large amounts of salt water, for example). As the principle of survival and taking care for my health (mostly to keep my brain safe from any possible physical damage) is engraved deeply in my mind, I have come to the conclusion that I should not trust the person who is most dangerous for my brain (i.e. me).

And now, thinking about various problems and getting ideas of how to solve them or ideas of self-development I am slightly afraid that I might be wrong and might not even realize it. And though I know that I should be self-confident, now I tend to doubt my own thoughts. That gives me a certain amount of uneasiness and I worry about whether this will be a reason for the halt in my personal growth. Or maybe it's better this way as I'll be my own arbiter and I'll analyse my flow of thought more, while I am learning how to trust myself again.