My Freedom

Freedom is one of the most important concepts for a person. It is something we strive for. We are sensitive to any encroachments on it by others.

This theme emerged yesterday when I was hinted not to limit one's freedom. I was pretty much surprised, because that was not what I intended to do at all. As I thought about it thoroughly, I realized that I might have wanted it on a subconscious level. Plus, for the person who told me that, freedom is substantial right now.

This freedom I am talking about is a specific one. You can call it 'being single', I guess. It constitutes such freedoms as choice to do whatever you want, whenever and with whomever you want to do it.

But from my point of view this very concept of struggling to be free is limiting your freedom. As I see it, he limits himself by constantly questioning his and others' moves and choices whether or not they intrude upon his 'freedom'.

The story itself can be a good example. This person has a great hobby and he is really dedicated to it. I, being curious about other people and their lives, read on the internet about this hobby and became intrigued. I genuinely wanted to try it out, this city orientation with maps and riddles - this should be exciting! So, what I did was write him a message that I would like to go with him on Sunday on one of these events. He interpreted it as my intrusion on his territory. That I am interested in him too much etc. I was utterly surprised by this - he showed fear of a limited person! I could not have imagined him, whose inner strength I secretly admire, to react this way.

But then again, I am at fault here, of course. I should have known better that in this situation he would give such interpretation to my actions. Moreover, I'm not sure myself that this was not the intrusion upon his freedom from my side. Well, I should back off. I don't want him to be uncomfortable.

No matter what it really is for that person (no one can actually know this), but for me such freedom is what I want to get rid of. I want to experience marvels of compromising, deciding something and having fun together. It is not easy for me to understand how a person can deny these opportunities. For me, they would have been too precious to let them slip away.

Back to my recent challenge of suppressing thoughts and archiving memories. My technique is not perfect. I frequently catch myself thinking and remembering what I should not. And yet, the beauty with which it unveils, amazes me. Pretty soon I will let this beauty and power to show themselves in their full bloom. It will be something breathtaking, I am sure of it.