My Week of Truth

Last weekend was the hell that I created with my own hands. I wrote a letter to my beloved that I would like to break up with him because of his recent deeds (he went to play MTG without asking about my plans). Well, the letter is not a conversation, and he came to see me after classes. We talked for hours (approx. 6 hours) and somehow we decided to be together even after he told me that he did not give up smoking (which he promised me months ago).
On Monday I told my parents and grandma that I stayed at his place because we kind of blanked out till it was too late to go home (1 a.m.) which was totally true for I would not have stayed if it was not that late. Grandma did not believe me, which offended me so much that I acted stupidly (not talking to her about myself and my plans etc.).
On Wednesday I felt tired and irritated. I wanted to start writing for NaNoWriMo, but slept instead.
On Thursday we went to the Palaeontology museum. I drove the whole way to and from the museum and so I got tired in the evening again and I finally broke out in tears in front of him. All this week was complicated and stressful and I felt really pressed by my problems. He took it as if it referred to him and was kind of angry with my behaviour. Actually, my tears were one of the highest signs of my honesty and trust. But yes, I made a lot of stupid things during this week. And I should not have cried in front of him - that was my weakness.
Friday was not a national holiday for lawyers (obviously, because lawyers don't sleep or rest), so I had classes. I screwed up and was not ready for the work at class. And yet this was not my greatest failure of the day. He asked me about my plans for today (he himself went to some party at his friends' place and won't be back till tomorrow) and I knew why he would ask that - only if he knew the answer already. But no - I did not tell him the exact real plans of meeting with our mutual friend. I am not even sure why I skipped this part - I just decided that it was not worth knowing for him. He resented me not telling him about the meeting.
Anyway, meeting with friends is a good thing. That friend made me feel a little bit more sure about certain things. Plus he is a person who can help me with good advice for he knows my beloved far longer than I do. And I want to be sure I do the right thing, because I sincerely want us to be happy together. That's just my mind and people around me who give me doubts about everything like social status, mutual interests, behavior of the person in love... I am still taking things too seriously.
So, this week shook my harmony with my life.
But I am in love with him, and my life and I know I will manage. Somehow, it will work out. Everything is going to be fine. It will be great. Better than ever. I am sure because I am going to make it happen.