My sad time of the year

The saddest time in the year for me is the week when students are told that they've been working hard and they get their exams' marks without taking exams. That's not that I'm envious, that's just that I'm terribly angry with myself. I am not stupid, I'm lazy.
I lack self-discipline and I hate that time when everybody who was working hard and were not shy to talk in the class get appreciation from profs. I never get it. I'm not that studious student. At these time of the year I want to listen to LP.
I am not living up to my expectations, so what am I hoping for? Hating myself for loving myself too much - my mind blows up with that thought, really.
I have little hardships in my life. I can get whatever I want. Why do I not work hard? Is it the lack of upbringing? I can't say that. These thought are lame. I should blame only myself.
I'm stressed out again, I'm not eating well (setting aside being a vegetarian, I eat too much carbs and not enough veggies and vitamins), I'm tired of this sudden cold, I'm tired of not sleeping much, of watching stupid series and not doing much for Uni. I'm tired of being lost. I'm tired of being depressed.
I will die so why even bother. What difference can I make? What is this all for? Ah, I'm being such a teenager as I'm still asking these stupid questions. I should forget about that and do some work, some useless things which are not going to take me anywhere I want, because I don't know what I want. I should not give it so much thought. I should drop this philosophical questions, should I?