I am concerned that I could have changed the world and I have lost the opportunity. What will follow is stupid, so beware.

I have applied to 10 universities in Britain. And none in the USA. The reason is that I would have applied and hoped to go to Denver. I still feel caught in these stupid emotions of affection and care and every time I tried to reach out to the person whom I promised that I would bend the universe so we could be together - he just politely turned me down. And I got tired of this. Though I could try - and I believe I would have succeeded. Now I will go another path and secretly hope that he will sometime try to reach out and ask me of the same thing. I also hope that I will say yes and encourage him. Though I am aware that the year from now I will not be the same person. And knowing me and my present state, I will probably change completely.