I am concerned that I could have changed the world and I have lost the opportunity. What will follow is stupid, so beware.

I have applied to 10 universities in Britain. And none in the USA. The reason is that I would have applied and hoped to go to Denver. I still feel caught in these stupid emotions of affection and care and every time I tried to reach out to the person whom I promised that I would bend the universe so we could be together - he just politely turned me down. And I got tired of this. Though I could try - and I believe I would have succeeded. Now I will go another path and secretly hope that he will sometime try to reach out and ask me of the same thing. I also hope that I will say yes and encourage him. Though I am aware that the year from now I will not be the same person. And knowing me and my present state, I will probably change completely. 

My Superheroes

So, I've graduated. No more university for the next few months. And I'm going to continue legal studies. I am actually pretty excited for that. I do not think about 'the reason' that much now. Money rule the world. I should not think about my selfish dreams anyway. Pointless. I am a lawyer with no limit of working hours and no particular limit of future salary.

Yesterday I've watched Iron Man 3 and got upset and confused. Tony Stark is my hero. I am happy for him and his not-so-canon girlfriend. But the movie was too unreal for me and it was like the end for the story of Tony Stark and his Iron Man. And then the latest issue of Haywkeye did not have a lot of Clint. And he was too distracted. I just hope that ST 12 does not disappoint me.

I had to wait for a friend for more than 40 minutes in the metro today. I am not so good at waiting lately. I got irritated and sad because I thought all over again how I am always the one that is waiting and feeling worthless. And we went to the memorial museum of astronautics and she kept asking questions like why the heck governments spend so much money on cosmos tech. I just wanted to hit something really hard with my broken umbrella (and still do actually). 

And I feel hungry and tired and it's raining and my feet are still uncomfortably wet.

So duh.