My left part of the brain takes lead now without me being conscious about that. Like picking knife with left hand and slicing or doing more active part in washing things while it used to only hold objects.
I have come to conclusion that I am not only uncomfortable with the world but with myself as well. I had a major breakdown based on these thoughts on Friday. And I cried on the shoulder of a boy who told me that if we broke up it would be alright for him because he is a big boy. And that is like saying "I tell you that I love you but actually I will be just fine without you. I don't really need you." That was not a nice thing to hear. But I can't say this "I love you" to him, though I contemplate the thought of how we will spend our lives together. And I thought of that before we became close.
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