I slept over and was late on my zachot today. I rushed on the 8th floor, where everybody stood near the room in which we normally have this class, waved hello to my friends and went straight to the head of my group to tell her I was there.
He came from behind and put his arms around me.
Some time ago I entered into an agreement which consisted only of obligations from both sides: hug when see each other. Yup, I initiated it one day. Sometimes I just hug people through inertia - I got used to hugging people from clubs I'm in, because everybody does that there. This was no exclusion - I just hugged this guy one morning before the lecture.
And then I hugged him the next week.
And we started to hug occasionally when we see each other at the faculty.
When our bodies are so close with our arms squeezing them even closer I feel the instinctive uncontrollable happiness inside.
It is a little bit scary.
But very, very pleasant.
P.S. This guy is the one who consistently tried to touch me in the earlier years of the university studies and I was freaked by that. Several times I told him harshly to stop touching me. And now I long for our rare embraces. Life has a lot of twists and it tends to take your world as if it is a snow globe and shake it - beautiful yet confusing because everything changes and you can not predict how snowflakes will fall this time.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
My Coffee Boy
Yay! The whole month has passed since my last post. And let me tell you something: I am moving forward. Slowly, like a cautious turtle, but without going back that much at least.
Lately I've been unpacking my memories a lot, tenderly touching those bruises and scars. It's funny how a person can do so much things that will provide him with uneasiness for a long time afterwards. But I am glad I made a lot of happy memories as well.
This month brought me one more heartbreak, which was so random and unexpected that I was surprised by how I ended up there again. Well, I was not that into the guy, but when somebody tells you that you are not wanted in someone's life it always sucks. Especially when he shows you that he wants you to care for him at first. People can be inconsiderate and inconsistent, I know that. But still that never excuses anyone and it does not dry those tears.
However, the rule of equal exchange or my super powers (as in Max Frei's books) work pretty well.
The boy from my faculty confessed his love to me. He is one of new friends I made this year. He is really sweet and cute and nice and almost everything a girl can dream about. Being loved is a good thing.
Though, my doubts concerned my past and inability to be in a relationship without being a drama queen. I do not want to hurt anyone, because I've been hurt so many times before. I do not want to be the source of pain for someone.
I want this relationship to work. I want to be happy with the person who loves me. But most of all I want to make him the happiest person in the world and love him for his feelings for me.
He is shy and humble in public. He communicates according to Carnegie books. He is a coffee maniac. He has outstanding analyzing abilities. He pays attention to the details. He is a riddle and a mystery to me. But every time we hold hands my heart fills with warmth and calmness and I don't want him to let me go.
Lately I've been unpacking my memories a lot, tenderly touching those bruises and scars. It's funny how a person can do so much things that will provide him with uneasiness for a long time afterwards. But I am glad I made a lot of happy memories as well.
This month brought me one more heartbreak, which was so random and unexpected that I was surprised by how I ended up there again. Well, I was not that into the guy, but when somebody tells you that you are not wanted in someone's life it always sucks. Especially when he shows you that he wants you to care for him at first. People can be inconsiderate and inconsistent, I know that. But still that never excuses anyone and it does not dry those tears.
However, the rule of equal exchange or my super powers (as in Max Frei's books) work pretty well.
The boy from my faculty confessed his love to me. He is one of new friends I made this year. He is really sweet and cute and nice and almost everything a girl can dream about. Being loved is a good thing.
Though, my doubts concerned my past and inability to be in a relationship without being a drama queen. I do not want to hurt anyone, because I've been hurt so many times before. I do not want to be the source of pain for someone.
I want this relationship to work. I want to be happy with the person who loves me. But most of all I want to make him the happiest person in the world and love him for his feelings for me.
He is shy and humble in public. He communicates according to Carnegie books. He is a coffee maniac. He has outstanding analyzing abilities. He pays attention to the details. He is a riddle and a mystery to me. But every time we hold hands my heart fills with warmth and calmness and I don't want him to let me go.
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