My Healing

I'm kind of seeing someone again. And I'm so not ready for this.

There is a variety of reasons for me to be sad.

1. he is not experienced with girls and I am not that good at changing people;
2. I am used to bad treatment. Different guys have been doing different stuff with me lately. I got a lot of suffering and pain from that. And now I don't know how to deal with something real. This guy, a good archer by the way, is nice with me, but I keep thinking that it will somehow end badly with someone crying and feeling deceived;
3. I have another person on my mind. I can deal with it, but it is something unresolved. It took me a lot of time and effort to learn how to deal with my unrequired feelings for a friend last time. It took a heartbreak of a person who cared for me, a whole deal of pain, change of diet and restricting a good, one of the best, friends from my life. I am still afraid to touch him or look at him when we meet (pretty rarely and not on purpose). I don't want to hurt this guy. He seems really cute and naive, and I feel a little bit guilty.

My friend calms me with "you don't have to marry him" but that's actually a problem, too. Do I want to invest time in a relationship I would not like to last?

Anyway, I want to be cared for, it's a nice feeling anyway. And I know I'm capable of caring for someone, too.

I don't know why, but people seem to be unaware of the fact that everyone wants to feel special.

I am also slightly frustrated. I sort of let it all go at its own speed and what did I get? We developed a strong connection with a guy from the faculty, a hard gamer: I liked him, he liked me, and that was obvious. But he did not do anything. And he still does nothing, he did not even ask for my mobile phone because we see each other quite frequently. Maybe for him it was not worth fighting for? Anyway, I wanted him to act. And then another guy just comes and lets me know that he wants it all. I guess that's a common story. But it does not get any less disappointing because of that. Ohmygosh, people, ACT AND FIGHT for what you want and care about. Let people know that you care about them and be as clear about this as possible. Don't wait for too long.