My Purpose in Life: Discover Your Life Purpose in 20 Minutes

Ok, I'm still on the path of finding my life purpose.

I have tried this technique a few times before, getting mixed results. But today was kind of different.

The technique (I learned it from Steve Pavlina, of course) is pretty simple: take a sit and make a list of things that answer the question "what is your life purpose".

The points from today's list that are very dear to me and touched some strings in my heart are:

10. to write novels that inspire people

14. to provide motivation for people, inspire them to do what they would like to do

18. to ignite the spark in people, so that they would strive for something more

Moving forward, I realized that my eyes are filled with tears and my heart is beating faster when I typed the following:

51. to live a life that will inspire others
52. to share my inspirations with a soulmate
53. to find a soulmate and live my life with this person, share happiness and discoveries with him, find marvels of the universe with him, know him deeply and have a mutual complete understanding with this person

After these I could not get any other statements that would resonate so deeply with my feelings.

I am not fully satisfied with the result. I mean what's the deal with this idea of "the One"?

So, the next thing I'm going to work on is - to have a view from the above over my life context and values. Because maybe I have some principles that block me from the wider view over the life itself and my purpose in it.

“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.”
― Henry David Thoreau

My Healing

I'm kind of seeing someone again. And I'm so not ready for this.

There is a variety of reasons for me to be sad.

1. he is not experienced with girls and I am not that good at changing people;
2. I am used to bad treatment. Different guys have been doing different stuff with me lately. I got a lot of suffering and pain from that. And now I don't know how to deal with something real. This guy, a good archer by the way, is nice with me, but I keep thinking that it will somehow end badly with someone crying and feeling deceived;
3. I have another person on my mind. I can deal with it, but it is something unresolved. It took me a lot of time and effort to learn how to deal with my unrequired feelings for a friend last time. It took a heartbreak of a person who cared for me, a whole deal of pain, change of diet and restricting a good, one of the best, friends from my life. I am still afraid to touch him or look at him when we meet (pretty rarely and not on purpose). I don't want to hurt this guy. He seems really cute and naive, and I feel a little bit guilty.

My friend calms me with "you don't have to marry him" but that's actually a problem, too. Do I want to invest time in a relationship I would not like to last?

Anyway, I want to be cared for, it's a nice feeling anyway. And I know I'm capable of caring for someone, too.

I don't know why, but people seem to be unaware of the fact that everyone wants to feel special.

I am also slightly frustrated. I sort of let it all go at its own speed and what did I get? We developed a strong connection with a guy from the faculty, a hard gamer: I liked him, he liked me, and that was obvious. But he did not do anything. And he still does nothing, he did not even ask for my mobile phone because we see each other quite frequently. Maybe for him it was not worth fighting for? Anyway, I wanted him to act. And then another guy just comes and lets me know that he wants it all. I guess that's a common story. But it does not get any less disappointing because of that. Ohmygosh, people, ACT AND FIGHT for what you want and care about. Let people know that you care about them and be as clear about this as possible. Don't wait for too long.

3 PhDs away from me

I have spent the day with the person who has 3 PhDs. My English sucks. But he was a pretty nice guy to spend time with. And handsome, too.
I guess I just want to start my own family. Because no matter where I am or who I am with, it does not feel home. And I don't want to act like a kid anymore.

I have an event this evening. A party. I should smile and be happy, and yet I'm so tired after this walk (too cold outside!). But I will bear with it, it's ok.

Tomorrow is working day again.

My Nice Things

I made new friends! And this is so awesome! I dream about them at night and feel very happy during the day. Actually, I think I'm falling in love. Though, in one of the dreams I realized that deep inside of me there is a fear of rejection and I don't want to experience it in real life again. So, I'll try to take the beauty and happiness from this feeling, but no regrets and no harm. I have suffered a lot recently.
One of my new friends gave me a subscription at lastfm. And it was so nice of him. And the other boy complimented me, so I blushed a little: he noticed that I am reading a lot and said that I was beautiful. My old beloved friend brought a vegan sandwich for me before the lecture. I wonder why people do nice things. I mean yes, sometimes you just want to do something good for a person you like, but still...

I am not a strict vegan. This week I ate cheese and some seafood. I continue to think that veganism gives me special powers: control over my emotions and better immune system. Plus, I started to do more sports (and less studying). On the other hand, I am losing my eyesight. I hope it will become better again after a while, just like it always would.

And yes - I want to do nice things to people too. I am just wondering what I can give them. The same question actually concerns my potential future partner. What am I? And what can I give in a relationship?

My Purpose in Life: stating problem

In my life I don't have something that is really valuable. I can try better, work harder, but I don't see the reason behind that. Where is that something I should want with all my heart?
I know I can be much, much more productive. But I lack the purpose in my life.
I have a few hobbies, none of them excites me to the bones so I'd leave all the duties aside.
I have that writing thing, but I'm not so sure. Well, if there is something valuable for me, then I should not hesitate about it, should I?
I declare the beginning of search for the purpose of my life.

Anyway, I try to stop being vegan, because I have some unpleasant health issues (external, not internal) which possibly occurred because of my diet. I will check that. But moving back to eating some fish and diary products is hard. I could not have imagined it a few months ago, but it's true. I like vegan diet, I guess I overall feel better because of it.