Nope, that's not the post about how I run from my problems. It's about how I picked up physical exercise today.
I had two inspirations, which is more than enough for one day.
The first one was Quinn from famous Glee. She, as my friend commented, made herself. And she is a good example, indeed. Set aside that she is not quite real.
Down to earth (though I never thought of sportsmen as ordinary people) inspiration for me was Nadia Comăneci, Romanian gymnast. She was the first gymnast to get perfect 10 at the Olympics. Funny thing - before she did it, boards were not constructed to show results of 10.00. So she got, well, 1.00. She was 14 when she did it. I watched a movie called 'Nadia' about her today.
That's what made me find my trainers and get out in the evening.
And I thought about how I want to make myself a perfect person. Not just an abstract 'perfect person', but the one I want to become. And with my running I want to become stronger than I am now.
Off-topic:
I live my life honestly but not faithfully. What a mess should be in my head that I kiss my friend while not being that drunk. Was it a mere curiosity of kissing a girl or something more obscure, lurching at the back of my consciousness?
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
My Confusion
I am utterly confused. My mind is set on things it should not be.
I tell people about everything I have on my mind to ease it, sometimes I say more than I should or to people who should not hear it from me. But what can I do, actually? It's impossible to forget some certain things that happen to me, and I am positive, that I should not erase these memories.
I have a need to talk to someone, seriously. I just can't find a person to whom I can talk without embarrassing myself, who will not judge etc. And my problem is no problem at all. It's not something brutal or serious. It just tickles my mind.
I am considering talking to a person who is kind of a reason for my confusion. I'm not sure, because it seems that we have established the 'this had never happened' rule.
Just don't ask me.
I tell people about everything I have on my mind to ease it, sometimes I say more than I should or to people who should not hear it from me. But what can I do, actually? It's impossible to forget some certain things that happen to me, and I am positive, that I should not erase these memories.
I have a need to talk to someone, seriously. I just can't find a person to whom I can talk without embarrassing myself, who will not judge etc. And my problem is no problem at all. It's not something brutal or serious. It just tickles my mind.
I am considering talking to a person who is kind of a reason for my confusion. I'm not sure, because it seems that we have established the 'this had never happened' rule.
Just don't ask me.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
My 1 Year Anniversary
Should I care for random sweet dates of "us" or not? I'm not sure. Anyhow, today is 1 year since I've been kind of dating Vyainye. That, a year ago, was the day when he suggested we meet and walk in the park together and I have totally fallen in love with him.
Yesterday we watched Suzumiya Haruhi movie (the Disappearance of Haruhi), which was awesome. I am still under the impression, actually. I've realized that something from your past will always haunt you but it is not necessarily a bad thing. Like me being the fan of Haruhi, Kyon and Nagato.
Today I've spent the evening with friends - Yuriy and Anton. It was fun. I have also thought of how much we've changed over the past few years. I was all that humble and silent, while now I'm more open. I think about what Koveras told me quite frequently. If I am ever to write a list of my regrets, I will put it in there: bing more joy into his life. And now our relationship is kind of lost. I can assure you, though, that Koveras era of my life is something I cherish dearly in my heart.
Oh, and recently I've found out that I miscounted the books that I read last year. It was actually 42 books (I forgot to count those 5, that were not in the list, i.e. read before 12th week).
Yesterday we watched Suzumiya Haruhi movie (the Disappearance of Haruhi), which was awesome. I am still under the impression, actually. I've realized that something from your past will always haunt you but it is not necessarily a bad thing. Like me being the fan of Haruhi, Kyon and Nagato.
Today I've spent the evening with friends - Yuriy and Anton. It was fun. I have also thought of how much we've changed over the past few years. I was all that humble and silent, while now I'm more open. I think about what Koveras told me quite frequently. If I am ever to write a list of my regrets, I will put it in there: bing more joy into his life. And now our relationship is kind of lost. I can assure you, though, that Koveras era of my life is something I cherish dearly in my heart.
Oh, and recently I've found out that I miscounted the books that I read last year. It was actually 42 books (I forgot to count those 5, that were not in the list, i.e. read before 12th week).
Saturday, April 9, 2011
My Trout of Doubt
I came to my parents on weekend as always. We did not go to the concert that we planned for almost dozen days. Though, I had to run to my car, champing in watery-snowy mess with my winter boots (which were not water-resistant, as I have found out today) after the telephone conversation with mum and dad, who were convinced that we are obliged to listen to the piano play of our family friend.
Nevertheless I had a good dinner with my parents. I was pretty happy to eat something cooked at home, because I have dropped that activity for weeks now. I am pretty sure that if I lived my life the way it should be lived (i.e. Lonli-Lokli style) I would not skip my breakfasts or substitute dinners with pop-corn and chocolate. I am considering taking the challenge of trying to live some time offline. But I payed for the Internet for the next two months and I am pretty sure that I will not survive even one day without it. I am not that autonomic, taking into account that I only have discographies of Placebo and Poets of the Fall on my netbook and my blog is online, too.
I also did a revision of the stuff that piled on my desk (parents' house, of course) for months. I had to read some old magazines before putting them on the shelf. I don't really know why I need all this glossy paper that I don't even like to touch much. But maybe I will find a better purpose for its existence than just taking the room in the house (the room which could have been filled with dust, for example).
While spending the evening in my parents' room I have found out that English grammar books (chaotically scattered everywhere near the sofa) were not that interesting for me anymore. It may be because I picked the books that I have studied at school or because of my eternal hunger for adventures (oh gosh, do I have at least a small drop of this anyway?). Anyhow, I picked another book from the 'languages' shelf - 'German in 3 months'. And I have told everybody that I started learning German. I hope this time it does not end with some fatal move like forgetting the book at parents'.
After the time has come for me to hit the sack, I decided to introduce myself to yet another book in this house. And I took the Salmon of Doubt (postmortem, by Douglas Adams). I want to read his Dirk Gently novels first, before starting to read his last book, but sometimes I find the strength and interest in myself for introductions and forewords. So I read the editor's note (by Peter Guzzardi), prologue (by Nicholas Wroe) and foreword (by Stephen Fry). And thus I have found myself sad and inspired. Sad because I thought that Adams will never write a book again, and that I have spent so much time postponing my life, while thinking that I just have to finish the University. I have let jurisprudence to crawl too deep into the core of my life, while calming my mind with "it is not for long, the time will come and you can write all you want". I had all kinds of depression and suppression on the way, which had not led me to the point at which I wanted to arrive. On the other side I have been inspired by these pages of high-quality praise of Douglas Adams works. It made me realize that I want to change those things that I described above as those that make me sad. I want to live my life as a writer. I know that I might fail at it. That's why I will try to manage my time more efficiently. And do all the blah-blah-blah. Yeah, I have to stay optimistic and this will bring me to success.
Nevertheless I had a good dinner with my parents. I was pretty happy to eat something cooked at home, because I have dropped that activity for weeks now. I am pretty sure that if I lived my life the way it should be lived (i.e. Lonli-Lokli style) I would not skip my breakfasts or substitute dinners with pop-corn and chocolate. I am considering taking the challenge of trying to live some time offline. But I payed for the Internet for the next two months and I am pretty sure that I will not survive even one day without it. I am not that autonomic, taking into account that I only have discographies of Placebo and Poets of the Fall on my netbook and my blog is online, too.
I also did a revision of the stuff that piled on my desk (parents' house, of course) for months. I had to read some old magazines before putting them on the shelf. I don't really know why I need all this glossy paper that I don't even like to touch much. But maybe I will find a better purpose for its existence than just taking the room in the house (the room which could have been filled with dust, for example).
While spending the evening in my parents' room I have found out that English grammar books (chaotically scattered everywhere near the sofa) were not that interesting for me anymore. It may be because I picked the books that I have studied at school or because of my eternal hunger for adventures (oh gosh, do I have at least a small drop of this anyway?). Anyhow, I picked another book from the 'languages' shelf - 'German in 3 months'. And I have told everybody that I started learning German. I hope this time it does not end with some fatal move like forgetting the book at parents'.
After the time has come for me to hit the sack, I decided to introduce myself to yet another book in this house. And I took the Salmon of Doubt (postmortem, by Douglas Adams). I want to read his Dirk Gently novels first, before starting to read his last book, but sometimes I find the strength and interest in myself for introductions and forewords. So I read the editor's note (by Peter Guzzardi), prologue (by Nicholas Wroe) and foreword (by Stephen Fry). And thus I have found myself sad and inspired. Sad because I thought that Adams will never write a book again, and that I have spent so much time postponing my life, while thinking that I just have to finish the University. I have let jurisprudence to crawl too deep into the core of my life, while calming my mind with "it is not for long, the time will come and you can write all you want". I had all kinds of depression and suppression on the way, which had not led me to the point at which I wanted to arrive. On the other side I have been inspired by these pages of high-quality praise of Douglas Adams works. It made me realize that I want to change those things that I described above as those that make me sad. I want to live my life as a writer. I know that I might fail at it. That's why I will try to manage my time more efficiently. And do all the blah-blah-blah. Yeah, I have to stay optimistic and this will bring me to success.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
My Letter of Pi
Dating mathematician gives me a lot of specific fun. Like who else would think that the sound 'pi' as a greek letter Pi?
Today it's exactly 1 year since I first met Vyainye.
I talked about Doctor Who and time-travel (linked with the movie I watched today), and I realized how much I missed such talks. I mean, thinking about that is good, but not so good as talking about it can be.
And I know, that in this world the only person who will not provoke my jealousy is me. I am all mine, and noone else is. But sometimes it is just sad when you want a person to be near you right now and he is simply with someone else. Maybe I just had to try better to hold on to people who were slipping away. Or maybe it's just the way it should be. And everybody is happier the way they are. I hope that they are.
Today it's exactly 1 year since I first met Vyainye.
I talked about Doctor Who and time-travel (linked with the movie I watched today), and I realized how much I missed such talks. I mean, thinking about that is good, but not so good as talking about it can be.
And I know, that in this world the only person who will not provoke my jealousy is me. I am all mine, and noone else is. But sometimes it is just sad when you want a person to be near you right now and he is simply with someone else. Maybe I just had to try better to hold on to people who were slipping away. Or maybe it's just the way it should be. And everybody is happier the way they are. I hope that they are.
My Waltzing on the Blade
My life has been like dancing on the blade lately. One false move - and I'm going to fall into insanity or deep depression. However, I don't worry about it much, I feel great! I am thinking about life and my purpose, my goals and determination. It is working nicely for me so far. Being optimistic and positive gives me happiness. And I smile and laugh, while waltzing on the blade. Well, I just have to remember from time to time that I am not a good dancer yet.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
My Achievements
I will continue working for B&M. I guess the contract will be ready for signing next week.
I got a place at the commercial law department.
Tomorrow I will go to the cinema.
And argh - I have so little time for everything.
I want to dance and I want somebody to take photos of me. HQ preferred.
I got a place at the commercial law department.
Tomorrow I will go to the cinema.
And argh - I have so little time for everything.
I want to dance and I want somebody to take photos of me. HQ preferred.
Monday, April 4, 2011
My Exciting Day
I drank some ice tea today. Bought it yesterday with my parents.
Held Yui's hand. Talked in classes. Went to work. My nose is wet.
Held Yui's hand. Talked in classes. Went to work. My nose is wet.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
My Grabrhg!
Hello world!
Just thought it would be good to say hello.
Anyhow, I felt pretty good this week. I should even say that I felt happy.
Today I tried to install firefox 4 and failed. It required something my system could not (and never will) give it. That's sad. Someday I'll stay at home for half a week and update everything here. Or just ubuntu my computer (nice verb, isn't it?).
And though the week was that good, I feel tired and sad now. Maybe it is because I did not get enough sleep (due to my own lack of will) or because V. read this blog and now he is kind of depressed.
Now that I think of it, I was too honest here. It does not mean that I regret writing all this, but it probably will lead to some action from me. I am thinking of closing the blog, for it became too intimate (and I guess, it always was). If you still read this (or want to read it), comment please. I may change my mind about closing it and do something else instead.
I suppose that's not that I have these thoughts. It's that I write them here. I mean if V. did the same and I would have read it, I could be hurt as well. But he does not, so I'm not.
I registered my coursepaper this week. Now I just have to write it and I can forget about it for a while. (That's sarcasm)
Plus I met the guy who gave me the red balloon on Monday. He is totally crazy, which is a pity, actually. But I did not have to put notices that I prepared at home. They were simple "Looking for the artist with a balloon" and my trash e-mail. I got his number anyway.
I feel that this week was somehow a real turning point in my life. It's not that something happened, but the whole concept of my life has changed. I was happy and that was new for me, but it was also so natural that I was surprised. Maybe it will pass and I will go back to what I was before. But I don't think so. I realized what it's like to wake up and smile and feel energetic and content.
Just thought it would be good to say hello.
Anyhow, I felt pretty good this week. I should even say that I felt happy.
Today I tried to install firefox 4 and failed. It required something my system could not (and never will) give it. That's sad. Someday I'll stay at home for half a week and update everything here. Or just ubuntu my computer (nice verb, isn't it?).
And though the week was that good, I feel tired and sad now. Maybe it is because I did not get enough sleep (due to my own lack of will) or because V. read this blog and now he is kind of depressed.
Now that I think of it, I was too honest here. It does not mean that I regret writing all this, but it probably will lead to some action from me. I am thinking of closing the blog, for it became too intimate (and I guess, it always was). If you still read this (or want to read it), comment please. I may change my mind about closing it and do something else instead.
I suppose that's not that I have these thoughts. It's that I write them here. I mean if V. did the same and I would have read it, I could be hurt as well. But he does not, so I'm not.
I registered my coursepaper this week. Now I just have to write it and I can forget about it for a while. (That's sarcasm)
Plus I met the guy who gave me the red balloon on Monday. He is totally crazy, which is a pity, actually. But I did not have to put notices that I prepared at home. They were simple "Looking for the artist with a balloon" and my trash e-mail. I got his number anyway.
I feel that this week was somehow a real turning point in my life. It's not that something happened, but the whole concept of my life has changed. I was happy and that was new for me, but it was also so natural that I was surprised. Maybe it will pass and I will go back to what I was before. But I don't think so. I realized what it's like to wake up and smile and feel energetic and content.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)