My Acceptance

It has just crossed my mind that I began to accept myself as I am.

• "Good" is OK. Could I do better? Not sure. I am not the best, after all.
• I am nothing without people. Old friends are good. I will talk to them again. Loosing them makes me sad.
  
• I will never cheat. I am afraid of being caught. I will study.
• I did not learn a lot today. OK, that's how I am - always keeping everything till the last two days.
  

It is a little bit frightening, it feels like I am not trying to change myself any more. Maybe that's what my growing up looks like. I do not know whether I like it or not.
I became even calmer, depressed state of mind became my normal state and yet again - I accepted this.
Fears, depression, weakness, laziness - that is OK to have these, that is normal for me, that is what I am.
Will this change when I begin everyday routine in the University in February? Will I begin struggling and panicking again?
I know that this is the first post of the year. I have not been posting for half a month. There is no real reason for that. I have not watched anime either. I try not to think of a reason actually. I have accepted it as a matter of fact.
I bought a pack of paper for printer (though my printer is broken) and I tried to draw something yesterday, but I actually thought that I'd rather write on the paper than draw on it. I made a sketch of an anime-style portrait.
I passed one exam. Keikaku doori, as they say it. I still have a chance to get some money for studies, which I am planning of spending on books.
My old friend asked me if I was interested in a strange job. I said 'yes'. I'll see what comes out of it.
I will surely reconsider my politics for the studies at the University. Because I spend too much time on it with no output that satisfies me.