My Diary Ianto's Style

I've been watching a lot of Torchwood lately. Honestly, too much.
I've seen the episode "Adam" from the second season and there was a diary of Ianto, which helped him to realize that something was wrong. Well, I thought it was a great diary with photos and everything. And I thought it would be nice to revive that habit of writing things in a real diary - but then I asked myself of what it will give me and what will I write in there? I mean, I do not encounter aliens and I do not time-travel much either. That's why the diary is not that necessary for me, is it?
And not only I'm in love with Captain Jack Harkness, but I want to be like him, which is less embarassing actually (*nervous cough*). And I've been thinking of his qualities, of what he is like. That's what I've come up with:

1. Strong. He is a "dashing hero" all right.
   
2. Fearless. He is not showing his fears and he encourages his team pretty well.
   
3. Loving. He is in love with everybody, which freaks me out, but it is quite a good quality if you think about it. By the way, is this the only thing he is not keeping secret from others?
   
4. Confident. He is always sure that what he does is right (or so it seems). He is rushing sometimes, but never loses the awareness of self-assurance.
5. Sense of humour. Oh dear.
   

One of my fav quotes by him:
"Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see. Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was. And I wouldn't change that for the world."
Should be reading more, working more, watching less.

My Love Dreams before Exams

Today I fell in love in my dreams. He was a school teacher and looked a little bit like the boss from Torchwood (I saw one episode yesterday). He was soft and warm and I was happy.
In the end, I did not want to get up and slept till 1 p.m. I have an exam tomorrow.

My Acceptance

It has just crossed my mind that I began to accept myself as I am.

• "Good" is OK. Could I do better? Not sure. I am not the best, after all.
• I am nothing without people. Old friends are good. I will talk to them again. Loosing them makes me sad.
  
• I will never cheat. I am afraid of being caught. I will study.
• I did not learn a lot today. OK, that's how I am - always keeping everything till the last two days.
  

It is a little bit frightening, it feels like I am not trying to change myself any more. Maybe that's what my growing up looks like. I do not know whether I like it or not.
I became even calmer, depressed state of mind became my normal state and yet again - I accepted this.
Fears, depression, weakness, laziness - that is OK to have these, that is normal for me, that is what I am.
Will this change when I begin everyday routine in the University in February? Will I begin struggling and panicking again?
I know that this is the first post of the year. I have not been posting for half a month. There is no real reason for that. I have not watched anime either. I try not to think of a reason actually. I have accepted it as a matter of fact.
I bought a pack of paper for printer (though my printer is broken) and I tried to draw something yesterday, but I actually thought that I'd rather write on the paper than draw on it. I made a sketch of an anime-style portrait.
I passed one exam. Keikaku doori, as they say it. I still have a chance to get some money for studies, which I am planning of spending on books.
My old friend asked me if I was interested in a strange job. I said 'yes'. I'll see what comes out of it.
I will surely reconsider my politics for the studies at the University. Because I spend too much time on it with no output that satisfies me.