My 3/4 of Avocado

I should not have fed myself with avocado. I did not deserve this.
I am vegetarian for 4 days now. I can't tell the difference yet - it's too early. But I do want to eat meat. When I see it on the table - that is.
I failed to update my KDE this time. I guess I'll try on the 50th week. I can't believe it is already December. Soon. Grhem.
I haven't finished Philosophy studies again, I feel kind of depressed about this damn routine every week.
There is something in my throat that hinders my breath. I feel so misunderstood and lonely again. Nah, I don't want the depression come all over me now when I felt so good the previous week. Is it weather or my unwanted coming home on weekends?

P.S. About my 30-days trial. As I failed most of the points I declare this stuff not important for the blog any more. I'll try to keep up with that anyway and will maybe still do some reports. I will continue being vegetarian, which will last till 25th of December (very convenient).

My 30-days trial: Day 2

1. Done
2. Done
3. Still eating sausages. I've read about vegetarianism on wikipedia and realized I will eat some fish anyway, it is the only possible source of Omega-3 for me.
4. Not done.
6. Done.
7. Read on atheism on wikipedia. Some of the absurd religions as well.
8. Slept till 7 a.m. Kind of progress for me.
9. Not
10. Vegetarianism and pescetarianism count.
11. Not.
12. Tomorrow is the day.
Went to the cinema tonight. I was driving my friends there. Yatta. Well, I laughed at the second Twilight, it is hilarious.

My 30-days trial: Day 1

I decided to write an every day review of me following the trial.

1. I am writing now, so this is done.
2. I had PE today and our trainer was dissatisfied with our group. I felt really depressed after his not-so-encouraging speech. But I made some stretches and training anyway.
3. I ate sausages today. I'll try to finish them ASAP.
4. I didn't study for my exams yet. Though, I got notes from a friend and I'm going to study philosophy with these notes. By the way, I got "Bad" for my work on the previous week. Mah.
5. I probably will go on foot tomorrow because I'm planning to go to the cinema and so will come back late - no free parking space.
6. I've read one more chapter of Hitchhiker's Guide.
7. I've watched some Hetalia and then read about the Suez Conflict and how France and England almost married.
8. I woke up at 5-33 a.m. but went to sleep at 7 and woke up again at 9.40 a.m. That's all my bro's fault. We talked till around 1 a.m. or even later.
9. I didn't give much thought to my book. As always.
10. I went through some Pavlina's articles but I will read a little bit more next morning. I hope I will get up earlier than 7 a.m.
11. Nah. I got a pencil and found a sketchbook, though.
12. Yes, I looked through a huge pile of papers which was resting on printer. Oh my. There actually was a book I never ever used for studies.
13. I realised I made my English homework last week. Such a good feeling. Gotta prepare for Civil law now or in the morning.
About today. I still can feel his taste on my lips and teeth. A little bit salty. I wanted to give him a bite on his neck like a vampire would do but it was more like a kiss right after the lecture. I am crazy, I can even fall in love with him like that. Dunno if I want to know why he said no to me. I think I won't see him till maybe Friday.
I forgot to call to the library and so my books are lost by now for me. I will go there on Thursday anyway for I asked for more books.
And I've set my mind to studying French.

My 30-days trial

I finally decided to start it, following Steve Pavlina's advice.
I actually picked up his ideas as well (some of them were mine as well and I agree with some of them).
So, here is the list of things I will do every single day for a month starting Nov 22 and ending on Dec 22:

1. Write in this blog
2. Do exercises for 15 minutes a day
   
3. Become a lacto-ovo vegetarian (tough, I hope my parents will understand it, and I will become vegetarian in a few steps as I don't want to waste the food I have now, so I'll probably set another ending date for that)
   
4. Studying for the upcoming exams little by little for 20 minutes a day
   
5. Walk to University once a week (Thirsday, most probably)
   
6. Read fiction books for 30 minutes a day
7. Read on interesting matters for 30 minutes a day
   
8. Become an early riser (this is required for accomplishing the whole trial)
9. Think about the Book (as I'm still hoping to become a writer)
10. Read self-improvement articles for 15 minutes a day
11. Sketch a day (that was my 2009 year goal)
12. Organize and clean the apartment and workplace every second day for 15 minutes

Now I have a dozen things to do every day with one more - studying - which makes it the devil's dozen. For these 12 I will spend (approx) 3 hours. I walk around throughout the day for about 16 hours. So, it's 13 hours for the 13'th activity. Alright, now I'll go and sleep. I will wake up at 5.28 a.m. tomorrow and every day this month.

My immortality

I would have liked to be immortal. Then I would spend my time on every possible activity. I would be playing piano and harmonica. I will read a whole lot of books. I would study physics, chemistry and biology with medicine and psychology. I would be talking to different people asking about their lives - much shorter than mine.
I know I am not immortal. I am quite sure of it. I do not believe in anything superficial so I am sure I have little time there.
That is funny to think on what I could have spent the life lasting till the end of the world while spending my real limited time without much thought.

My Libraries

Today I signed up for the State Library. Was impressed by how many people signs up every day. Also went to the other library building of my University library which is where my Alma Mater was situated before it moved to where it is now. There are still a few faculties there, too. I worked on my coursepapers, got pretty tired and went home after that. I'll go to the state library tomorrow again. It was nice to see my family and have a dinner with them.
I forgot completely about my so-called broken heart for the day. On Monday I asked a guy out. Never will do that again. No more sorrow, like one of LP's song says. I wasn't much in love with him anyway. I was bored and depressed and wanted to feel better, so I'm kind of glad he rejected my "offer" (too afraid to write 'rejected me' for he is my friend and remains so).
Now to another topic: I guess I'm pretty much sure that I can do anything if I try hard enough, so I don't even bother doing that. 'Where are the limits?' somebody asks himself. Nowhere. There are no limits. I don't even want to check that. I really do have some symptoms of ADD =) Just kidding, but I don't set my mind for something for a long time.
I just thought that if I set a lot of deadlines and activities for myself, I will grow stronger. I didn't manage to set them, wasn't paying to much attention to that.
Anyhow, 8 hours of sleep awaits me.

My week ending with tears

What if I cry in front of somebody? Nothing because: 1) I won't do this 2) it won't change anything.
I want to have someone in me. I don't want to wander in the darkness anymore. I want to love, to feel someone in my heart and thoughts. I want to sing out loud to the skies, to see the words flowing onto the paper, to be able to do magic. I want a full moon and stars high above and a tender light right into my soul, and gentle wind going through my long hair. I want to smile freely, not to sigh at weekends.
Back to reality: I hope Monday & Tuesday will pass quickly. These are surely not my favorite days of the week. I have a work tomorrow on philosophy.
I have a new blood-colored string on my wrist. I want to darken my hair, but I probably won't change anything. I will probably stay the way I am. Nothing's gonna ever happen. I am not Haruhi, and she won't come for me as I'm too normal for her. Ah~ Anime ruined my life *Brahaha*
I am gonna starve myself for a week and see what happens. This is one of my challenging projects. I just hope that the next week will be happier than this one, which actually ended with me crying.

My Desperate Wish

Sort out your life already!
No, I doubt I will be preparing for philosophy tomorrow.
But I know that now I'm going to sleep.

My Perfect Boyfriend

I wonder why I began thinking of a list of characteristics of my ideal bf while going my all-mornings path from the car to the faculty this morning.
By the way, I was leaving all kinds of footprints today: in the morning they were sleepy-footprints, then lazy footprints at midday, content footprints during the lunchtime and no footprints in the evening as the snow had melt by the time I set my feet on the ground.
Back to the topic. My list consisted of pretty picky things, like how he should brush his teeth and wash his hair and how he should smell nicely. This kind of things. I don't have much time in the morning to make large lists, but you've got the idea now.
So, in the evening I came back to these morning thoughts and all I could come up with was that I liked guys in suits. I know, I know I'm saying this all the time. But this is so utterly cool that I can't help staring at guys who wear suits. Unfortunately, not many of them come all dressed up the way I like it. Maybe that's why I like to be around Mr. Polyanski. Though, I know that when he does not have classes with students he does not wear suits.
I watched the movie called A Garden State, which I didn't really like. Mainly because I thought it would be a comedy and it wasn't while I like comedies. The soundtrack was good (Grammy Awards are not given on the weekends' sales after all). Well, I just thought that maybe some time in the future there will be somebody who will change my life in a few days. Mah. Probably not.
Anyhoo (mwa-ha-ha at my misspelling) I have a new netbook now. And I don't like it. But - hush - it does not need to know my attitude. It seems that I personificate things too much lately. And they are males mostly. And I still haven't read any of Freud's poetry.
Poetry... I am still thinking about her and I tend to think that I'd better not. Because I suppose I always get attached to people post factum, which is bad, because there is no hope to continue relashionships. Ah, I know that after some time I will forget about whom I even write right now. Anyway, I do not want to hurt my future self, so don't you worry about it. Relax, everything's fine.

My War

Sometimes I think that the war had begun. For instance, when I hear helicopter going around in the sky, or sounds of some big cars which remind me of tanks. I dunno if that is one of my inner fears - or desires (which I doubt) but still that's true.
I have read 1,5 books of Darren Shan's saga. As I've seen the movie on Tuesday, I decided to read the novels. Yes, that's that simple. And I also read two other books - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Zolotoy Telyonok (in Russian). Mah.
Mr. Polyanski finally signed my coursepaper appliance. Nice stuff. Though, I suppose, I will have some problems with literature for my work as it is in the different library. And quite far away, too. Weird, but that's fate.
I never saw my girl leaving. I wrote a four-line poem for her. But whatever.
I hope war is not soon. I like the feeling of peace.