What am I doing?
I got my new phone, which I will not review here, nor will I write about it, but I spent all day with it, trying to discharge battery (successfully).
Now I'm listening to some old folk songs and my chest hurts because they remind me of a certain person, for whom I'm trying my best but it is awkward and weird and I am useless and helpless before that situation. And I am so lost...
What am I doing again? Nothing. Nothing serious, nothing useful, nothing worth, nothing, nothing, nothing.
Re-reading LoTR? Re-watching Nana? Learning Greek or Finnish? Going to the theater? Sewing a hat? Come on, whom I am trying to fool?
I am not improving enough, I am no good when it comes to be reliable, to be honest, to be skillful, to be helpful. Damn it all. What am I supposed to do? How can I get better? All my goals are not worth it, or so I think when it comes to real action. What am I anyway? A superman?
But I know the truth which makes my fingers go cold and my throat full with a disgusting lump.
I am unneeded.
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